SHERMAN ON THE MOUNT

Notice of Change

2006-03-16T16:34:00.000+08:00

This blog is now to be found on www.ShermanKuek.net. Quick go!

Summoning the Unfit Misfit

2006-03-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

My sustained reflections are still dwelling on the issue of returning to God over this season of Lent. God calls us to return to him, but not everyone finds himself in a state worthy of such a return.

Some find themselves inadequate. Others find themselves incapacitated. Yet others do not think that this invitation is issued for them; it's always for others but not for them. Still others find that they have always been the misfits of society who have never quite fit into any given order; why then would they find a place reserved for them at the table of Christ? If you find yourself having just read something here that cuts into the heart of your life's concern, then you are the precisely the person that Christ is summoning to his table of grace. You are precisely the person he would pick out from a crowd just to tell you, "Come, follow me". The table of grace is a table for the broken and the misfits, not a table for the mighty and the lofty. Come, return to the Lord.

A Job Interview

2006-03-05T08:30:00.000+08:00

A friend asked me some questions about my perception of life and ministry. I suddenly found myself feeling as if I was in a job interview, and had to present a "reason" for what I have been doing with my life. I think I fared very badly in this interview; I was too honest. But here is what I said:

I perceive myself as being very frail. There isn't an ounce of determination in me that wants to work the will of God. It's true that I could have gone and done something else with my life, but my journey would still ultimately take me through a search for answers to my existential questions. So I'd still end up going into the theological and philosophical stuff that I'm dabbling with now. I don't see the "fulltime ministry" as something that I'm doing to sacrifice for God's Kingdom. I see it as my own search for answers to my life's profoundest questions. It's more of what God is doing with me than how God uses me to impact people. For this reason, I hardly preach at people. All I do is invite them to journey with me in their struggles. We struggle together, and hopefully find answers together. And we find grace to walk in spiritual friendship towards the cross. That's all I find myself doing in ministry. I have no ambitions.

I know. I can't believe myself either. What better way to fail in a job interview than by telling your potential employer that you have nothing to offer. But I meant exactly what I said. And I have not lost my job yet. Perhaps my Employer seeks workers of a different kind. You reckon so?

Captured by Grace

2006-03-04T09:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning, the students from my theology class were given a treat (hopefully a good one) in the form of a movie. Yes, it was the day for Theology at the Movies! They came to my home and watched a movie that painted a depiction of propositional and relational faith, and how the dynamics of both these dimensions of theology might impact a person's view of life and ministry.

One of the points I mentioned in the reflection thereafter was how the relational Christian lives out a message of grace in his life. Whilst he does not go around loud-hailing the message of repentance, the very embodiment of grace in his life is itself an invitation to repentance. In the movie, we witnessed that reality clearly in the life of a wounded and lonely little preacher's daughter, who approached the misfits of society in all her brokenness and befriended them. She brought healing to those few lives with which she engaged and connected. And in the process, they too ministered healing into her life. How often have we gone to "sinners" and advanced our demands for repentance? As if we were any better, any less broken, any less depraved than they were. The gospel of Christ is about wounded and fractured people being found and captured by grace, and in turn, offering this grace to the rest of the world. The story of grace is most often better told by the misfits and broken people who have experienced fallenness than by the "righteous" who see themselves fit to demand repentance from a broken world. Grace precedes repentance. The way of Christ offers grace. It does not demand repentance; repentance is but a natural response of the one who receives grace. This season of Lent challenges me to once again to be a wounded and broken embodiment of grace that will invite all to come and partake of this grace so freely offered. It has to be a message from one fractured and broken human person to another: "come and be captured by the grace that has captured me".

"God's mercy...goes before the unwilling to make him willing; it follows the willing to make his will effectual."

- Augustine of Hippo -

P.S. Yeah, the students also enjoyed lots of good food from the lecturer's mother. It wasn't exactly rich food; the food was simple. Maybe we can call it Lent food.

Nails and Thorns

2006-03-03T09:19:00.000+08:00

This season of Lent is one of contemplative reflection for me. It is to me (in a very personal way) about returning to the Lord. It is about returning in repentance and helpless inability, and asking the Lord to heal, to restore, and to enable me to live a life worthy of his calling and true to his Kingdom. I need mercy. I need grace.

I would like to invite you to journey with me and several other friends in a series of brief daily meditations we have written for this season of Lent. We call it Nails and Thorns (right-click on the link, and select "Save Link As" to download the pdf document). What is the focus of your thoughts throughout this season of Lent? Do share them.

Hacked!

2006-03-02T10:24:00.000+08:00

Logged onto my blog this this morning and was horrified to find only the above message showing. The server of my service-provider was hacked by some people who probably decided to do it on the occasion of Ash Wednesday. Anyway, I only had to republish everything through my usual blogging interface, and everything was restored within less than five minutes. But if you did log onto my blog throughout that duration and found nothing, apologies! All systems go now.

Dust to Dust

2006-03-01T14:13:00.000+08:00

It is Ash Wednesday. Remember, man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return. Let us contemplate our transgressions and bow before the Lord in a posture of repentance. I acknowledge, Lord, that I am born in sin and cannot help but embody the reality of this sinful state in my life. Impart unto me the righteousness of Jesus Christ, that I may dwell in him, and he in me. AMEN.

The Essence of Time

2006-02-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

Change is the essence of time. And the present is the dividing line between your past and your future. In looking back, you see a story. In looking ahead, you witness possibilities. You wonder if the future must look anything like the past, and if desired change is perhaps a possibility. The past carries with it a somewhat bitter innertia with an aftertaste that helplessly lingers. But the only way to move beyond the innertia of the past is to move forward even if each step constitutes but a heavy plod. Naturally, your endeavour to venture into the future is rendered futile in the light of your helplessness. You feel yourself weak. That is only to be expected, for inasmuch as the past is no longer deemed desirable, the future carries with it an air of fear. Hence, you find yourself stumped in the state of the present, not desiring to move on (even if you are aware that the present provides a glimpse of future possibilities). Know that your life is not yours to build. Neither does it belong to you. The One who authored it is the very same One who shall bring its ordained future to fulfillment. Perhaps what you need is not a spirit of strength or determination, but a spirit of obedient abandonment.

Another Kind of Christian

2006-02-27T19:05:00.000+08:00

On the one hand... I see one kind of Christian. He lives his faith in absolute simplicity. He relies heavily on the prescriptions of his faith community about how the Christian life should be lived. They tell him to live the good life through the daily reading of scripture, daily prayer, tithing, attending church worship services, attending small group meetings, and serving in various church ministries. He abides by these prescriptions and is assured without a doubt that Christ lives in him and he is a citizen of the Kingdom. He never asks more than that which he has to know about living the good life. His preoccupations, if any, are constantly with the "hows" of the Christian faith. But he trusts his leaders entirely on these "hows", and seeks to obey them so that he will live a life that is blessed of God.

On the other hand... I see another kind of Christian. He conceives of life as something less simplistic than that which most other people think it is. He is perplexed by the complications of life and his inability to derive solutions for questions that revolve around the reality of his existence. He loves his church, but he finds himself devastated that no one else around him within that community is preoccupied with such existential issues upon which his attention is fixated. He finds that a simple obedience towards the prescriptions of his church leaders is overly simplistic and unjustly ignores the deeper issues of life. Whilst he truly does love God in his own way, it pains him that his unorthodox way of loving God is often dismissed as impiety and indifference. He constantly agonises at the state in which he finds his world, and finds his faith journey provoking him to ask increasingly deeper questions. His preoccupations is constantly with the "whys" of life and faith. Those others who are fixated on the "hows" of the Christian faith (who, by and large, form the majority) are often found accusing him of thinking too much and questioning authority. And yet, he cannot withhold himself from advancing questions and concerns that are, to him, crucial to one's understanding of life. These are both, I believe, good Christian men. But I have often wondered: what might the reason be for the difference in the way these two men perceive their faith?

Surgery of the Soul

2006-02-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

Note from the Editor (in a very apologetic tone): This is going to be a rather unusually lengthy post. I have severely crucial thoughts to share; if you would care to read on... Several days ago, I decided that I had rather sufficiently played the role of "teacher" in the seminary lecture rooms, and it was time for me now to meet with my students as a fellow learner instead. Hence, I began sneaking into the student hostel and meeting with some of my fellow learners. Beyond listening to their moans and groans about their pressures derived from academic assignments, it was my venture to learn of their life stories, to understand the journey and pilgrimage of "the other". For everyone has a story to tell; even the silent. To my utter horror, I realised that I was surrounded by a number of fellow learners who are wounded and broken, just like myself. Whilst the pain inflicted as a result of the wounds are felt in varying magnitudes, I felt their pain indeed. A wounded man never listens to the tale of his fellow sufferers unscathed. I agonised before the Lord with but one furious query: Why?! Why are all these wounded and broken people here to spend these years of their lives in preparation for a vocation in full-time Christian ministry? I have myself, in recent times, felt helpless at this reality. There have been moments when I felt that God had placed me at the starting point of a race track, broken my legs, and then yelled "Now, RUN!" Lord, why do you wound people so deeply, and then ask that they serve a purpose that is beyond them to fulfill in the light of such brokenness? Today, I sat at the feet of a very wise man. A wise and broken man. And through him, God spoke back at me. He said when we choose a specific path in life and find God confronting us with our most devastating weaknesses and placing our greatest nemeses before us, we can know we are fulfilling the will of God for our lives. And as we trudge our way through this path, God summons us to reckon with these most wounded areas of our lives and beckons us, "DEAL WITH IT!" For the many times that I thought myself to have been summoned into Christian ministry because of what I had to offer to the world, I was reminded again today that I was summoned into full-time Christian ministry for a humbling reason: God is working on me. Perhaps this is the heart of Christian ministry after all; that in watching how the Master Surgeon performs the surgery of the soul upon my life, and in watching me reckon with the reality of human pain, the world learns from the parable of this feeble life. Perhaps I have nothing to teach the world; only a story to tell. Father...in a strong and powerful way, I have heard your voice today; not through the words of a hero, but through the words of a broken man, another fellow sufferer who has walked a longer journey than I have. At your words, a raging storm within me was abruptly calmed. I still cannot run, for I find myself yet trudging through this path set before me. But I see a glimpse of hope, for I know I stand within the will of my God. As a broken man, I may find myself despised by the world; but let your favour not pass me by. For you are my light; you are my hope; you are my salvation. P.S. Had a sumptuous dinner (by my standards!) and a very heart-warming conversation with fellow bloggers - Doulos (who has been a very great friend and brother) and Irene (whose blog I have been reading but whom I have only met for the first time today, and whom I know will be a great friend in time to come).

Sneaks and Peeks

2006-02-24T12:59:00.000+08:00

I will be sneaking myself into this event in Kuala Lumpur tomorrow (Saturday, 25 February). Actually, at the invitation of a friend.

This means that I will be at Bangsar Lutheran Church from 1000 to 1700 hours tomorrow. If any of you bloggers (especially those from Kuala Lumpur) will be there, please identify thyselves when we meet! It would be an absolute pleasure to shake your hand, in either the human or the Narnia way.

Thoughts Before Bedtime

2006-02-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is good to know people; and eventually, to reveal the truly human side of me to them as well. To be the embodiment of what it means to be a truly HUMAN minister. Imperfect in every way, and yet deeply connected to the source of all grace. For grace is something we cannot afford to take for granted. Ever. There goes another day.

Of Spiders and Dreams

2006-02-23T11:54:00.000+08:00

I had a sound sleep, hence rest is not the issue of the day. But the strange thing was, as I awoke this morning, I found myself carrying an intensely vivid memory of a dream I had last night...of being on a hunt for two giant spiders. And they were humungous; their sizes tremendously outweighed the one you see in this picture. So what was that all about? I neither recall ever having come across any spiders recently nor having thought about spiders in recent times. Hence, if dreams simply consist of the interweaving of the cache that is stored in the recesses of one's mind, I believe my dream of the illusive hunt for giant spiders is utterly defiant of this theory. In the wake of daylight, there are many things of which I consciously dream (not spiders!) I dream of how life might have been different had some events not have taken place in the history of my lifetime. I dream of how my present might have found me somewhere else and living out a different reality had my life taken a different turn. I dream of how my future realities could result if I could only return to my past in a quest to alter history, even if this undertaking was utterly minute in its magnitude. But when you are in a state of absolute consciousness, you realise that dreams can delude the human mind. For nothing in our past can be rendered different from what we have known it to be. All that is left is how we choose to exist in the present, and how we choose to enter the future in the best way we know how. But even so, does that not compel us to dream?

All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake to the day to find it was all vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for the many act out their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible...
T.E. Lawrence

From Sauntering to Trudging

2006-02-22T11:32:00.000+08:00

I was sauntering gracefully in the beauty of the sunshine, where shadows would follow me as I walked and linger with me as I stood still. Those were peaceful and easy moments, for there was a centred feeling like never before within the depth of my soul. Certainly there were minute whispers of unease that threatened to dispose the beauty of the moment, but they never succeeded.

Some storms befall with little or no signs of warning. All this time, even when the breeze began to throw its blows in my face a little harder, I knew not that a storm was brewing, for I was simply enjoying the beauty of the moment. Just being there in the present. The storm came unannounced. I was taken unprepared. So now I'm trudging step by step, in hope of shelter, in search of refuge. In search of a source of protection which can hide me from the tossing violence of the storm. Storms... they eventually cease. They must; for such is the way of nature.

Cry of the Soul

2006-02-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

There are moments when a surge of thoughts pervade my mind, and there is so much to articulate. Yet there are some emotions to which no vocabulary can adequately do justice. These are emotions so common to humankind, and yet the finer nuances of these emotions that are unique to the individual person cannot be simplistically captured through words. Thus, once again, the power of language breaks down. Consequently, all that the heart affords is an inner groan. A groan propelled by a deep longing for answers to age-old questions. Existential questions. Questions that few God-fearing Christians dare to ask for fear of being dismissed as "unfaithful". No, we do not advance such queries in the midst of other "believers". These are the rules of the game. But tell me if this is perhaps true, that even as a pilgrim on the journey of faith, I am essentially wandering and groping amidst the storms of life to seek a simple answer to the profound concern of the human soul: Who Am I?

A Graceful Limp

2006-02-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

Editor's Note: The title of this blog entry has been changed. Because it made the editor happier. The ways of God are strangely and invariably mysterious. I have often wondered why he sometimes appoints people for great and magnificent undertakings and yet permits them to be inflicted with great disabilities such that they become utterly inadequate for the undertakings to which he appoints them (short of saying that it is actually he who inflicts these disabilities on them).

I am one such person. Never at any one point in my life have I experienced the exercise of my ministerial role as a giant. I have often seen myself as one who limps my way into the spotlight to proclaim the loving grace of God and his ability to sustain us through life's struggles. But there are moments when I wonder how convicted I am of what I proclaim. When my own intangile disabilities weigh heavily on my heart and violently toss the realities of my life around, and I seek a solace that is never found, my emotional limp worsens. It is such a painful challenge, during such moments, to say:

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But perhaps this is precisely what he desires for me to learn to profess throughout such moments in my life journey. Afflictions in the form of disabilities that cannot be seen with the naked eye force me to abide trusting in the One from whom nothing is hidden. They necessitate a very real faith in the invisible work of the One who has authored my life story, to abandon myself to the belief that he will bring this story to a beautiful completion.

A Song from Isaiah 12

2006-02-18T12:05:00.000+08:00

I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me, Your anger has turned away And you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.

Links: On Life and Brokenness

2006-02-18T00:32:00.000+08:00

I am no fan of poems. But read this poem about life, and tell me if it speaks something of life's painful realities. Few like to speak about pain anymore today, even if it is real. I'm glad there are the few who still do. But I am a fan of anything proverbial, although relatively few catch my attention. This one did. Again, few like to speak about authenticity of being anymore today, even if it is so much needed. I'm glad there are the few who still do.

Letter to a Departed Friend

2006-02-17T12:44:00.000+08:00

My very dear friend, I believe it has been over a year since I last bade you my final farewell as you lay peacefully in that intricately crafted casket. I was just thinking of you a while ago as I was driving. There is this song that never ceases to propel my memories back to the days of our friendship; that song was playing in my car today. I still think of you sometimes. There are many things about your life that inspire me to move on. Your life was relatively short, but you kept the faith and fought the good fight. As you gradually weakened physically, I saw how you summoned the spiritual strength to live on faithfully. If I could just meet you for a little while now, there are many things I would have so wanted to ask you. What is it like over at the other side? What am I fighting for in life? Is everything I have been taught to believe true? Is death truly the cessation of life, or is it after all just another phase of life itself? You must think I am faithless for even asking such questions. I too often wonder why I have never found the capacity within me to live life in as simple a way as you did. You lived every day as if it were your last. I was often amused at how you never lost that sense of wonder even as a grown up. I wish I could capture that again for myself. But alas, my own sense of childlike wonder has been dulled by the painful realities of life. And yet, inasmuch as I think my own life is filled with pain, perhaps the pain that graced your life was present in indescribable measure relative to my own. But still, you had a way of smiling gracefully at your lot in life. I am ashamed to say this, but there is a part of me that envies you. In having departed from this world, you have lost nothing. This world has nothing to offer. I long to be where you are. I know that your family believes you are now caught in the place they call "purgotary", but I believe you are in a place far more beautiful than that. Because you deserve it. I write to you not because I think you are still to be found somewhere in this world. I write to you because I believe there is a continuity of sorts in our different states of existence. After all, the God who created that place where you now find yourself to be in is the same God who has created the place wherein I continue to exist. I am unsure if this message will ever get to you. But maybe I'm just writing this letter for myself; just to remind myself that I'm thinking of you. So long, my friend. I long to with meet you again. Yours most faithfully, Sherman

Crash Reflection for a Crash Course

2006-02-16T10:17:00.000+08:00

Several days ago I taught a 30-hour block course at the seminary. The four-day course covered the study of Christian anthropology, pneumatology, ecclesiology, and eschatology. When we arrived at the final hour of the course, the time was opened up for each student in the class to share the difference this course might have made in their faith journey. It pleasantly surprised me that some of the sharing was accompanied with tears. One fellow student in the class shared about how he had drifted away in his faith, and how this course in Theology had now brought him back to the Lord. As he shared this, my heart felt strangely warm. And we all together affirmed the presence of God throughout our study together. Theology is more than a mere intellectual exercise for the defence of the Christian faith. It must lead us into a state of reverent worship. The end of the study of Theology must be the doxology.

Shock Absorbers

2006-02-14T14:05:00.000+08:00

A fellow Christian in the community falls or sins. The leaders' faces turn pale when they receive news about it, and the quizzical look on their faces betray their lack of capacity to absorb the shock emerging from that situation. It is strange how the Christian community has little or no mechanism to absorb such shocks. Hence, in astonished reaction, they end up battering the fallen person and thereafter conclude with some words of godly wisdom to the half-dead person, like "We'll be praying for you..." In the final analysis, it all stems from our theological understanding of the human person. If we agree with Augustine of Hippo on the human person's state of original sin (that through the federal headship of Adam, mankind now partakes in his state of sinfulness), then such occurences should never shock us. Even if Christians have embraced the federal headship of Christ and partake in his righteousness, we exist in the tension of the now and not yet. This means that we are not excluded from the propensity - at any time - to fall or to sin. We need to begin developing processes of restoration for "fallers" in our communities. The Christian journey is all about falling and having our fellow brethren to pick us up again in a spirit of gentle restoration; not one of being further battered by those who do not know what to do with the fallen. It is at this point of fallenness that grace can find its most powerful voice through the community of God. But when the community yields to a state of panic and shock, its expression of grace weakens. Christian communities must be shock absorbers.

Be Still, My Soul

2006-02-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

The season has changed, But be still, my soul, The Lord is on your side, For where the tide will take you, Cannot hide you from his sight. Be still, my soul... The Lord is on your side.

Offer of Penitence

2006-02-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

I am a grave sinner. My original sin finds me inevitably unable to save myself from the state of fallenness in which I have been born. My total depravity finds no part of me that I can claim in the face of God in my appeal for justification and redemption. I am a grave sinner.

I am a grave sinner. My total inability finds me absolutely crippled in my endeavours to seek the favour of God. It is only in the light of God's initiation that I can find myself clothed with the justifying righteousness of God in my life. I am a grave sinner. I am a grave sinner. And so I offer my penitence unto the Lord... Almighty God, my heavenly Father, I have sinned against you and against my fellow neighbour, In thought and word and deed, Through negligence, through weakness, And through my own deliberate fault. I am truly sorry and repent of all my sins. For the sake of your Son, Jesus Christ who died for me, Forgive me all that is past, And grant that I may serve you in newness of life, To the glory of your Name. AMEN. Grant me strength now, Lord, to live in your grace in the face of men who will not forgive me as you have done.

When Heroes Fall

2006-02-07T01:32:00.000+08:00

It is strange how some heroes become heroes even when they never wanted to become heroes. It was the rest of the world - being hungry for heroes - that placed them on high pedestals. But these reluctant heroes never asked to be placed anywhere beyond the firm ground of reality. In fact, they often spent half their time struggling with themselves, trying to understand the person behind the heroic front that the world had enforced upon them. And yet when the hero falls, the world is shocked. And the hero gets flogged. He finds no place of solace, for no grace is granted to the one on whom expectations have been elevated beyond that which he could bear. He tried, in many ways, to speak of his weakness and his depravity, but no one would listen. He tried, in many ways, to identify with the pain of humanity; but no one would understand. And so, another hero falls and is flogged. Oh, he certainly deeply regrets his folly and his wrongs. But most of all, he regrets being a hero.

Woundedness in Love

2006-02-03T16:16:00.000+08:00

Boy, why are you crying? I am wounded, Lord. My friends wounded me. Tell me more about it. What did they do to you? They betrayed me, Lord. They stripped me of my dignity. They took away everything that I've ever held dear in life. They beat me. They left me with nothing. They broke my heart. At times, they ignored me. Now I feel defeated, unappreciated, lost, empty, unwanted, and unloved...

Now, now, dear boy... there is no need to grieve so. You know you are loved. Of course you would say that! You are God, how could you ever understand how I feel about things like that? You could never know the pain that this life brings, together with all the loss that I've ever had to feel. Oh, I'm so sorry, boy... come, let me hold you. What're those marks I see on your hands, Lord? Oh, those... those are my wounds, boy. I was wounded by my friends. You? Wounded by your friends? How could that be possible? Yes, those are wounds. In love, there must be wounds. We give of ourselves to others so that we can suffer in their hands through the wounds they inflict on us. And then, as we live with the pain of those wounds, we seek to find a grace sufficient for us to keep loving those who have wounded us... then we can say that we have truly loved.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2006-01-29T01:11:00.000+08:00

A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to one and all...

Forgetting to Remember

2006-01-28T12:21:00.000+08:00

It is the eve of Lunar New Year for the people of the Chinese race all over the world. Tonight, families will cluster in the homes, wherein people from two or three generations will celebrate their reunion over an annual feast whilst catching up from where they last left off. Besides the joy that comes from such occasions, there is a purpose underlying such festivities. That purpose is one of traditioning. Festivals and like occasions remind us of who we are, where we came from, and how we ended up being where we find ourselves today. It is important for the simple reason that it gives us wisdom in charting out where we will move on from here. This must resonate with the Kierkegaardian adage, "Life must be lived forward, but understood backwards." At the point of instructing his people on how they should live, the Lord began by saying "I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt", for the subsequent commandments would have made sense only if this memory of the great deliverance was kept alive. It can be likened to the way Chinese parents tell their children, "Always remember your roots." Perhaps this is why it has now become so difficult for us to decide how we should live and where we should go from here... tradition, for many (especially in relation to the expression of the Christian faith), has become almost a vulgarity. We have forgotten how to remember.

Link: Beating the Intelligence Trap

2006-01-24T15:23:00.000+08:00

Link: Beating the Intelligence Trap

This is a brilliant entry on the important shift that must take place in the enterprise of theology. Some may say this approach is being a tinge too "liberal", whilst others may say it stands a little too far to the left of conservative theology. I say it is being true to the heart of a faith community that has been bequeathed a language with which to articulate her engagements with the living God. The humility with which we are confronted in our relationship with God and the generosity of his grace that we experience must be reflected in our theology. My seminary students are going to read this article.

The Great Symphony

2006-01-24T14:43:00.000+08:00

Like the tiny fingers of the musical notations that form a symphony, the intricacies of life sweep us through the motions in accordance with the orchestration of the Great Conductor. There are moments when we face the music of hope, and there are moments when we are confronted helplessly by the alarming tunes of despair. For some, the deafening sound of despair thunders endlessly like a bottomless abyss. The resounding voices of chaos composed of a plethora of notes falling beyond the range of our finite threshold propel us into the chorus of unreason and absurdity. At this point, the tune loses its rhythm. We then know no longer how that tune is to be carried in its entirety in the absence of understanding. At this point, all that is left for us to do is to carry the tune allotted to us note by note, line by line; even if it means playing a melody that fails to harmonise with the wider symphony which falls beyond our range of comprehension. It is about trusting the capability of the Great Conductor as he collates these notes together to form a symphony of praise. It is about yielding to the depth of the Great Conductor's wisdom, submitting that he alone knows the worth of a symphony that is composed of the sweat, blood, and tears of those he loves.

Caeli enarrant gloriam Dei

2006-01-23T12:45:00.000+08:00

Even when the most difficult thing you've ever had to do in life was live, you must keep proclaiming...

Caeli enarrant gloriam Dei: The heavens declare the glory of God.

Were I To Say

2006-01-20T18:03:00.000+08:00

Were I to say that I loved you with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength, my conscience would crush me in an instance, for my spirit knows that to be untrue at least for now. Were I to say that I would follow you to the ends of the earth in service to your glory, my will would shatter the power of this confession, for my secret heart knows of my unwillingness to leave my home at least for now. If any man should profess a willingness to follow you even unto death, let his words be truly emanating from a willing heart, lest they be mere boastful ignorance before you. If any man should profess an undivided commitment to the cause of your Kingdom, let his claim convict his entire being, lest it becomes a rude lie in your face. I so desire to state such bold claims in matters pertaining to my faith and my will to follow you. But it is beyond me to speak of a devotion that I cannot yet see. Inasmuch as I desire to say that my heart is ruled solely by the Eternal One, the Lord God Almighty, this claim would be a lie, for there are yet rival thrones in my life. And so I will simply say "Help me Lord, for I want to.." "I will attempt day by day to break my will into little pieces. I want to do God's holy will, not my own."

- Gabriel Possenti -

Unity and Humility

2006-01-19T22:02:00.000+08:00

A conversation with a brother this evening was partially occupied by a sustained lament on the present state of the Church's disunity. The conversation led to further thought on theological methodology (or, should I say, attitude). In attempting to unravel the instances of disunity throughout the history of the Church, the acute lack or absence of theological dialogue must jump out at the observer. In the presence of civil dialogue (and perhaps less fixation upon the sustenance of institutional bureaucracies), much could have been done to avoid the logical necessity of the fragmentation of the Church in the face of theological dissimilarities. There must be an attitude of humility in theology. Humility is the climate that provides for healthy dialogue and mutual learning so as to promote a momentum of healthy dialectics within the Body of Christ. But in advancing the case for humility in our theological attitude, I am not appealing for inferiority. Humility and inferiority are different things. Unlike that of a climate of humility, a healthy dialogue cannot take place in an unequal environment of inferiority. Inferiority is not the way of Christ, but humility is. It may be reasonable to advance that humility is what sets generous orthodoxy apart from unmoving, unembracing, statically fossilised, fundamentalistic evangelicalism.

Silence, Solitude and Stillness

2006-01-18T12:18:00.000+08:00

It has been a long journey. I refer not merely to the to-and-fro 300-kilometre route that I have taken in the past two days, but also to life itself. Whilst I know that it has not nearly been long enough, the mechanism of mental and physical fatigue sometimes imposes the momentary sentence of mandatory rest when I feel like my feet are now being dragged instead of lifted. This is just a moment of staring blankly at the wall (and at this particular point in time, the computer screen), just appreciating the "nothingness" of the moment. There is a load of work commanding my attention, but that can wait, for silence and solitude have thrown themselves into my embrace. Like teadust in a porcelain cup, I immerse myself in the warmth of stillness. Whilst I have been speaking much about conversations within the context of community, one can kill issues by over-analysing and talking too much about them. There is some truth to the proverb that says "In much of our talking, half of our thinking is murdered". So this is the case with the present moment.. silence, solitude, and stillness are in order.

To My Fellow Learners

2006-01-15T08:24:00.000+08:00

Some six months ago, I was informed that I would be relocating to another state in Malaysia to take up an adjunct lecturing position in a local seminary, this being an addition to everything else that I am already doing. But that was six months ago. In just a while, I will be attending the Holy Communion Service at the seminary chapel, marking the commencement of the new academic year. I will be teaching Christian Theology, and in time to come, Christian Philosophy and Sociology-related subjects as well. I look to my Fathers of the Church in search of wise counsel, and this they have to say: Let the meaning of your words shine forth, let understanding blaze out from them. Let no word escape your lips in vain or be uttered without depth of meaning.

- Ambrose -

It is chiefly by asking questions and in provoking explanations that the master must open the mind of the pupil, make him work, and use his thinking powers, form his judgement, and make him find out for himself the answer.

- Jean Baptiste De La Salle -

To all my fellow learners at the seminary about to commence your academic year, I wish you a blessed journey as you travel through the path of tedious scholarly labours and hardknocks. The path is narrow, as always; but when travelled with the right spirit, it leads you deeper in your understanding of the very heart of God. One final thing: remember to love God.

A Morning Prayer

2006-01-14T11:10:00.001+08:00

The wake of another morning, one so freely given by the sustenance of your creative hand... Guide me, great Lord, and summon the best from within my being that I may live and work to the glory of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Protect me, not so much from harm, but from tendencies to desire from life only that which is pleasant and immediately gratifying to my mortal soul. When I fail to live up to your dream for me as a free moral agent in the reign of your Kingdom, protect me from myself. Inasmuch as my mind can conceive of the the abstractions of this world together with the fascinating and intriguing intellectual heights of humankind, I desire most of all to love you deeply. Let not my lofty desires and perilous inclinations hinder my narrow path towards your eternal throne. Through this day, may I yet uncover another fraction of my life story that I can offer up to you so you may weave this story - however minute, feeble, and insignificant - into the larger story of your Kingdom. For thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Offending the Sensibilities

2006-01-13T01:50:00.000+08:00

What if loving others radically offends one's sensibilities? We live in a world that is culturally conditioned. What is acceptable in terms of one's expression of love and devotion is very much conditioned (and often limited) by the culture in which one is immersed. But to love radically means being willing to lay down one's self for the cause of love itself. And this act itself is one that defies much of the boundaries established by culture. It challenges the effect of such conditioning. And the expression of this love, because it now defies cultural norms, becomes offensive to the sensibilities of others. But for the very few...the very few... who begin to understand the depth of these expressions, they will experience what it means to love radically. In understanding that love comes at a price, perhaps in time, they too begin to offend the sensibilities of the world.

Safety in Superficiality

2006-01-09T12:45:00.000+08:00

Richard Foster is right to have observed in his Celebration of Discipline that superficiality is the curse of our age. This observation is true of all dimensions of the modern life, particularly of interpersonal relationships. One wonders what the reason might be for this phenomenon... Perhaps superficiality is a very safe place in which to stand. Despite a deep longing for relationships that are real, authentic and deep, superficiality helps one to guard the reality of one's insecurities. We are afraid to bare the poverty of our souls and the barenness of our spirits to others, for we fear despise and seek to avoid it at all cost. Because we know that the world seeks heroes who have it within them to perform, people whom others can "dream of". And so we spend a considerable measure of our lives in outward adornments so as to develop facades that render us admirable. We do not desire to be seen as people who live with a lack or a need unmet, but rather, as people who have it all in exaggerated abundance. We have an exceeding overflow of relationships, but none of which can embrace us in a posture of nakedness. To be real is to be weak. Authenticity requires a deep measure of vulnerability and the surrendering of one's self to possible scorn and abuse...or worse still, total disregard. This is so because authenticity reveals realms of our being that others do not envy. Hence, to be real and authentic is to embrace the willingness to be "less". It truly takes a strong person to embody authenticity in weakness.

Dispatches to the Apprentice (4)

2006-01-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

Beloved Junior Apprentice, I desire, in this letter, to speak with you briefly on the issue of desperation and despair. As much as we are (and should continuously be) conscious of our mission to inspire the world to live in the way of the Master, realism must constitute the appropriate order of the day. Keep your eyes on the state of humankind today, and you will realise the truth in that which I am saying. Much of our world, even if not in totality, is characterised by desperation and despair...and as much as it pains me to say this, even hopelessness. But of course, you understand that I am speaking from a plainly human point of view. Let me begin by affirming that it is appropriate to revel in the creative work of our Master in the world. He created the world ex nihilo (out of nothing) and he pronounced it good. I hope you understand that it is our Master who is solely responsible for the existence of creation, and even for the possibility of existence itself. In his creative work, he undertook to create every single atom which exists in the order of the universe today. He did not begin this work merely by fashioning something out of a substance that had already existed independent of him. His work of creation did not end there, my young friend. The creative work of our Master still abides even as I write to you. It is creatio continua (continuous creation). The entire order of creation is perpetually contingent upon the creative providential work of our Master. If for one instance he were to withdraw his sustaining power from the universe, we would fall not merely into ruins, but into utter nothingness. This I desire to emphasise, so you understand the magnitude of our Master's power and his faithful sustaining grace. But complications have arisen. People have asked, if our Master is indeed so good, and if in fact the creation that he has made was pronounced good, why then is there pain and suffering in the world? It is in this context that I wish to speak with you about despair and desperation. I am not attempting to offer answers; but perhaps I can suggest a possible alternative of perceiving desperation and despair in life. Have you, dear apprentice, found yourself so driven to this despair of which I speak? There is a need so deep and intense within you that you know no mortal being can fulfill. Many times throughout your life, you attempt to turn to some person you meet in a hope that your intense need and desire can be fulfilled. And yet humankind never fails to fail you. And so you learn to turn to the Master to seek the fulfilment of your deepest desires. But our Master is no mortal; he is no flesh and blood as we are. Hence, you find no fulfilment in that which you derive from your engagements with him either, for your need is a mortal need. It seems like there is no source - neither in heaven nor on earth - from which you can find that which you seek. Hence, desperation and despair. Certainly, not all have been called to walk this path of pain and suffering, or to survive a life-long hunger that may never be filled. But I have met a selected few who have. As you journey with such special people, I trust that you will see the potential for redemptive value in this situation. For while their need may never be filled in the sense that they expect, it is this absence of a solution that propells them to cling on to the Master in a way that is unfamiliar to those others who are alien to the realm of pain and suffering. This, of course, will never mitigate their pain, although they can and should keep seeking the Master for spiritual and emotional sustenance. But for as long as the pain and suffering abides, it keeps their hands tightly clenched in the hands of the Master. It is a complicated and oppressing place to find one's self in. But it keeps one reliant on the creatio continua of our Master. Have you been there before? If not, I pray in time that you will. Yours most affectionally, Senior Apprentice

Discourse, Dispassion and Disdain

2006-01-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

One reality that has often disturbed me about the articulation of theology within the Christian community is the apparent absence of "spiritual passion" in our discourses. This phenomenon probably emerged during the modern era of western theology when the escalation of the scientific disciplines served as a source of pressure to the language of theology. In that struggle, the theological community seemed to have charted progress in their endeavour to demonstrate that theology was in fact a science. It was demonstrated that theology consistently fulfilled the traditional criteria for knowledge: Firstly, it has a definite subject matter, which is God's revelation of himself. Secondly, theology deals with objective matters, not mere subjective advancements by armchair theologians. Thirdly, theology has a definite methodology for investigating its subject matter. Fourthly, it has a method for demonstrating the validity of its propositions. Fifthly, coherence is guarded among the propositions pertaining to its subject matter. Theology was, hence, proven to be a legitimate field of science in itself. But what consequently happened, in my assessment of this event, was also that theology lost its language of passion. This was perhaps due to the fear of the theological community of employing language that would provoke scorn among the people of the scientific community. So we dispensed with our emotive descriptions of metaphysical realities and confined these propositions within the realm of dispassionate intellectual discourse. In the good old fashioned spirit of Protestantism, I begin this train of thought by echoing one prominent motto of the Reformers: ecclesia reformata, ecclesia semper reformanda (the reformed church must always be the church which is reforming itself). With the journey that the Christian community has been through thus far, I believe it is time for us to re-examine and reform the way theology has been articulated in the life of the Church. In so doing, I am also hoping that the relational dimension (as opposed to the mere propositional dimension) of my being Asian will be of useful contribution to the theological language of God's people. Of course, this argument can be approached from various perspectives. Since the doctrine of the Trinity serves as one of the most distinctive and unique beliefs of the Christian community, I shall dwell on a briefly sustained exploration of how the developments of this doctrine in the twentieth century should provoke the recovery of passionate expression in our theological discourse. Karl Barth is known for his insistence upon the human incapacity in the entire process of revelation. For him, sinful humanity is incapable of hearing the Word of God or receiving the revelation of God. And yet, the reality is that this sinful humanity has heard the Word of God, for it is this Word that has made humanity conscious of its own sinfulness. So if humanity is incapable of hearing the Word, how is it that it has heard the Word? For Barth, humanity is passive in the entire process of revelation, for it is solely subject to the sovereignty of God. Revelation was possible only because of God's ability of effecting self-revelation to humanity despite its sinfulness. And because revelation is a reiteration in time of what God is in eternity, there must be direct correspondence between the Revealer and the revelation itself. For this reason, the Father was revealed in the Son. Now, although the Father has revealed himself in the Son, sinful humanity remains incapable of recognising that revelation as one of being a divine revelation. This enablement comes only from the Holy Spirit. The whole point of recognising Barth's contribution to this discussion lies in the reality of God having to reveal himself relationally to the world, and with his help, enabling the world to find a language of articulation following humankind's recognition of his revelation. Relationality precedes proposition. The fact of our abilty to advance propositions regarding such metaphysical realities is conditioned upon the relational aspect of God's confrontation. This therefore begs the question of why this element of relationality is dismissed when subsequent propositional advancements are articulated. Robert Jenson further develops Barth's characteristic persistence on humankind's full dependence upon God's revelation. He explains that in the Old Testament, the God of Israel had to be set apart and distinguished from other gods of the polytheistic world. Similarly, in the New Testament, God had to be distinguished from the various deities that were worshipped in Asia Minor. As a result, he had to be assigned a proper name; and that name was "Father, Son and Holy Spirit". For Jenson, the doctrine of the Trinity is an enunciation of who our God is in order to prevent the Christian community from being absorbed by rival conceptions of the divine. Further to that, it must be pointed out that the names "Father, Son and Holy Spirit" are not names that we have chosen, but rather, names that we have received and been authorised to use in stating the identity of the God we worship. Of course, it can be observed herein that Jenson speaks along Barth's lines pertaining to the priority of God's self-revelation over any human constructions of the divine. Once again, we are confronted with the story of the God who reveals himself relationally by assigning himself a name for his people. My guess is that Karl Rahner would add, in a consistent echo, that God's revelation of himself took place in the form of the economic Trinity within human salvation history. It was from humankind's recognition of the economic Trinity within salvation history that subsequent enunciations pertaining to the immanent Trinity were made possible. The economic Trinity forms the basis of our understanding of the immanent Trinity. The way in which God is known relationally through history is the way he actually is. If the Trinitarian God has revealed himself in the most relational way possible through the incarnation, and if (according to Barth) it is the Holy Spirit who enables humankind to recognise the truth of that revelation, how is it that the relational element of our articulation is absent today? We need to recover a methodology of passionate discourse without feeling any sense of intimidation from the standards of contemporary scientific language. The definite object of our "scientific study" happens to be a Being worthy of our highest measure of devotion and passion. He happens to be the Being upon whom the existence of all other beings (or even the possibility of existence itself) depends. Let us use words like "wow" if we must, for that may just be the most appropriate doxological expression from the depths of the human soul. (This is one heck of a long entry for a blog. I think I deserve a nice nap.)

Reaching for the Unseen Presence

2006-01-05T11:25:00.000+08:00

The road is never so rough and the journey so arduous as when you feel like you are travelling alone. Of course, you catch glimpses of other pilgrims alongside you on the way. But the comfort you need and desire is one so deep and inexhaustible that no magnitude of human touch and mortal intimacy can quench that thirst. Whilst these other voices keep calling out to you and saying "You are not alone", and whilst what they say may be entirely true after all, there is a level of consciousness at which you realise that the road is yours to walk... alone. And even if you tried to latch onto the comfort that is offered by others, such attempts only leave you high and dry. In the final analysis, it is just you and God. And this is precisely where the real dilemma lies: you cannot see him. You cannot depend on that which is within the capacity of your mortal sight, and yet you also cannot seem to reach out for consolation from the unseen God. Of course, like so many other people, you can pretend to see him and claim that you have been touched by his visible hand; but you know that this would be less than the truth (at least in your present predicament). So you cannot find comfort in the visible, thus necessitating you to seek solace from the ever-present eye of the invisible God. But you agonise, time after time, over the painful reality that you cannot see him. How mysterious are the ways of a God who wills that I should find rest only in him, but who gives me eyes that see him not and ears that hear him not. I cannot find you. So here I remain, waiting for you to come and find me...

So great are the trials, and so profound the darkness, spiritual as well as corporal, through which souls must pass, if they will attain to perfection, that no human learning can explain them, nor experience describe them. He only who has passed through them can know them, but even he cannot explain them.

- John of the Cross -

A Solemn Declaration

2006-01-04T10:37:00.000+08:00

Nihil declaro... I have nothing to declare.

Dispatches to the Apprentice (3)

2006-01-03T11:58:00.000+08:00

Beloved Junior Apprentice, Greetings once again. I trust this letter finds you in good stead, and that you are faithfully scaling every height that this missional journey presents before you. Such adventures in our lives are not always entirely pleasant, but we must learn to be at peace with ourselves and with the Master. I believe you have been reminded unceasingly, my friend, that the vows you have taken in preparation for this journey have only one end in mind: being missional. And your mission is simply to love the world into the Kingdom of the Master. But you also need to understand what the love of our Master is like, for there is much more to know about his love than meets the eye. Our Master has a strange capacity to love, which (even after my years of having known him) still intrigues me beyond all captivating powers of the present order of things. You see, he loves in a most dispassionate posture. It is most difficult to crystalise my understanding regarding the state of his disinterest, for I myself have yet to attain the fullness of this virtue. But in saying that our Master loves dispassionately, I do not mean that he has no passion for his people or that he does not love his work. Rather, I mean that he has a capacity to love in such an unselfish way. When our Master loves others, he loves them for their own sake, and not for that which he may desire from them. He desires the wellbeing of these objects of his love from a truly unselfish interest that he has in them. His dispassionate love is most apparent when it comes to his willingness to seek the good of others even at his own expense. And yet the amazing paradox is such that his own interest is best served when he loves dispassionately! He wills the good of his people not for the sake of his own good, but simply because he seeks the highest good. Hence, the way that the Master promotes his own interest is to require (of himself and of others) a love that seeks the good of the object loved. This means that to seek to love simply for the promotion of his own interest itself defies his own interest in the highest good. You must find this paradox as baffling as I do, but such is the way of our beloved Master. Worry not, my young friend, for you have many years to learn the missional ways of the Master. Even I stumbled across this discovery almost by accident. But I need you to know this fact about our Master because when he requires his subjects to love him supremely, he only imposes the same law upon them that he does upon himself. And this knowledge, I am certain, will shed greater light on your understanding pertaining to your missional journey. Until then, my precious friend and companion in the journey, keep loving and living. Yours most affectionately, Senior Apprentice

Heart of Worship

2006-01-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Heart of Worship, by Dr Wann M. Fanwar This is a book review that I promised someone ages ago and have come to it only now. It is a gift from my friend, whose lecturer in seminary wrote the book. I was so kindly presented with an autographed copy of it, how about that?! If I had to attribute just one adjective to my experience of reading this book, I would use the term intriguing. Any one adequate treatise on a topic like worship must necessarily encompass the biblical, historical, and contemporary aspects of the issue at hand; this book precisely so presents a study on Christian worship. Fanwar begins by providing a thoroughly worked through definition of worship, and then proceeds to describe how worship has been conceptualised in the Old and the New Testaments in scripture. And then he briefly journeys with the reader on how the embodiment of worship evolved throughout the history of the Christian Church. Writing from the perspective of an Adventist tradition, Fanwar does not forget to describe the distinct contributions of the Adventist tradition to Christian worship. In a separate chapter, the author also describes how the legacy of music has been employed in Christian worship throughout the ages. Finally, in a lengthy chapter, he provides very practical samples of worship liturgies. In the face of overwhelming fads in the industry of contemporary gospel music, this writing is absolutely timely. It helps the Christian to attain a deeper understanding of true worship beyond the superficial sentimentalities that are so prevalent today. It is most beneficial for Christian worshippers of all ecclesiastical levels, ranging from grassroots local church members to seminary students. Christian worship is based on our knowledge of God, which in turn is based on God's revelation of himself to the worshipping community. And the God of our Fathers has revealed himself in both scripture and in the history of his dealings with the worshipping community. This essentially is what Dr Fanwar has most clearly demonstrated in his writing. If you would like to purchase one or more copies of this book, please send an email to Nat.

Dispatches to the Apprentice (2)

2006-01-01T19:33:00.000+08:00

Beloved Junior Apprentice, It is the dawning of a new day, a new year, and a new moment in the history of creation when the Master faithfully persists in his crafting of your story and mine. What do you think is in store for you in the year ahead? Exciting and adrenalin-pumping moments of inexhaustible adventure? Or heart-wrenching and trying times? Whatever your expectations are of the year ahead, I ask that you be prepared to face situations of all kinds. In both joy and in pain, in comfort and in hardship, you must find a steadfast place within yourself that empowers you to be at peace in all circumstances of your life journey. This is possible only when the secret place within you is at peace with the will and purpose of the Master for your life, my dear friend. The moment at which you begin doubting the credibility of the Master's intentions and questioning the integrity of his capabilities, you lose the power is to be found therefrom. Be cautious, therefore, with the thoughts that the feeble human mind is inclined to entertain. I ask also that you persist in developing a keen sense of self-awareness. Self-awareness speaks of the power of one's observation of his own inclinations towards certain thought and behaviour patterns, and the ability to comprehend the possible effects of these thought and behaviour patterns upon one's self and others. You see, whilst some people (like yourself) have the ability to optimise the potential of your existence, the rest of the world simply exists. To settle for a state of mere existence is undesirable, for the Master desires that you should so comprehend the depth with which he has designed you and the ability with which he has endowed you to be a source of inspiration to your fellow humankind. Cultivate deeper self-awareness, for the measure to which you are able to inspire the world to share with you in our Master's dreams is also commensurate with your measure self-awareness. Know not just why you exist, but also how to exist. Our Master loves new beginnings, my young apprentice. And if you would look to him, he keeps no records of your imperfections from the past. This year marks a new chapter of the journey, and hence a new beginning. And yet, the paradoxical beauty of it lies in the reality that the new chapter your journey is in fact a continuation of an ancient legacy that has been passed down to us by our Fathers. What a beautiful story. Come, run the race... tirelessly. Yours most affectionately, Senior Apprentice

Annus mirabilis

2005-12-31T11:07:00.000+08:00

Major highlights for me in the year 2005: ... went to the Vatican (January) ... mourned the death of Charis, Shih Tzu x Maltese (May) ... welcomed the arrival of Carissa Charis, Cocker Spaniel (May) ... received news that I would be moving to Seremban (June) ... started blogging (August) ... purchased a brand new laptop (August) ... went to Indonesia (September) ... went to South Africa (mid-October to mid-November) ... relocated to Seremban (end-November) ... established a covenant (December)

It has been quite an eventful year, yes. Looking at the year ahead, what intrigues me most is not the thought of what may be, but how our finite lives are so bound by the constraints of space and time. These two abstract dimensions define so much of our being that our every articulation, even in speaking of God, betrays this inevitable reality. I step into the new year with no particular resolution. Indeed, I do have my secret hopes and dreams, but I am embarassed at how these hopes and dreams are so myopically defined by space and time. On the lighter side, I am after all only human. But there is a bigger dream that I can embrace... the dream of a God who trascends the boundaries of space and time. But when one desires to embrace God's dreams, it renders one helpless and utterly vulnerable because his dreams are dauntingly beyond my capability to fathom or grasp. Thus, once again, the challenge of total abandonment... 2006 will be a new time and a new space, when God keeps writing the story of how he continuously intrudes into human history in a real and personal way, when he keeps reminding us that he is God. With God as the inifinite Author, 2006 will undoubtedly be an annus mirabilis, a year of wonders.

Dispatches to the Apprentice (1)

2005-12-30T10:47:00.000+08:00

Beloved Junior Apprentice,

Greetings. I trust this letter finds you in good stead, and that your life finds favour with the Master. We are not living in easy times, my dear friend. I desire that you keep your eyes wide open to observe that which is happening around you in our world. There is much that will shock you; but still, the future hope assured to us is one that keeps us walking in the light of hope... it is a hope of a full restoration of the Master's reign in time to come. It is for us - you and me - to be alert at all times. The Master is busy crafting a beautiful story of his Kingdom. Subtly and subversively, his Kingdom is being established whilst the world persists in its momentum. The mandate for us, my young apprentice, is that of seeking to increasingly understand the development of this story as it unfolds. And as we do so, the onus falls upon us to also live the future in the present, for the culmination of this story has already been revealed to us. Be watchful, for the unfolding of this story passes by those who have not sought to understand and those who have been undiscerningly caught up in the common state of affairs. Not too long ago, you voluntarily gave yourself to a cause and embraced the vows necessary for the fulfillment of this mission. But it is easy for us to grow weary and lose sight of that to which we have devoted ourselves, especially during dark moments. Remember that the presence of the Master remains with us who have embraced his purpose and will. At times when other "voices" seem to instruct you in ways that contradict that which you know to be the way of the Master, find the strength from within you to resist those voices. Know that he is with you. And in all that you do, remember to love him. Yours most affectionately, Senior Apprentice

The Hot Dog

2005-12-29T23:55:00.000+08:00

Isn't he hot after being groomed? I might have become a professional doggie groomer if I had not loved theology so much. Alas...

Watching Watch Blogs

2005-12-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's not custom for me to blog much about blogging. But it is a reality that the blogging enterprise has become a fast-growing fad, and people blog for different reasons. The most intriguing reason for blogging, to me, is that of publishing theological ideas in its most accessible form. This reason intrigues me only less than those whose blogs are meant as policing devices to track down the theological publications of others who publish theological ideas on their blogs. A word of wisdom from Professor Scott McKnight:

...all “watch blogs” ought to be banned if uncivil: they are feeding on others with nothing positive to contribute or say. By “watch blog” I mean those sites designed to do nothing but gripe about the left-leanings of others. People who worry all the time about how others lean are not nearly as straight up and down as they think. My plea: enter into the conversation as a conversational partner, and please avoid acting like theological cops who are protecting the Church from devious writers out to deflower the Church and its theology.

Shame on Me

2005-12-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

He was an elderly man with a glow in his smiling eyes. He was dressed rather shabbily. As I watched him make his way out of the doctor's clinic and walk towards the the end of the lane, I noticed a stark limp in his gait. I knew him not. But it was obvious that he intended to head somewhere and with much pain. And as he walked past me, he actually gazed at my eyes as if communicating a desire... an appeal for kind assistance, perhaps. This somewhat perceptive observation (it is not often that a person is privileged to employ the literary device of sarcasm upon himself) immediately kickstarted a struggle within me. Some people call it the power of the conscience. I so wanted to help this man to get to where he was supposed to be. But you know what they say about entertaining strangers... it is dangerous business, for they may harm you in the least expected manner possible. I started my car and drove past him and headed towards my next destination. But I didn't arrive quite as soon as I expected to. Because the power of the conscience is overbearing. So I turned around, stopped beside him, invited him into the car, and sent him to his intended destination. There was no robbery, no murder, no harm done. Only a simple sentence of thank you: "Thank you for being a man with a kind heart". It's easy to think we can be kind and loving. But when real situations arise, we're suddenly hit by the harsh realities of inconvenience and the many risks we have to take just to love others. Shame on me.

Christus rex

2005-12-24T11:26:00.000+08:00

Christus rex: Christ the King. Come and worship.

Responsible Blogging

2005-12-23T15:27:00.000+08:00

I have been shocked over more than several occasions to see how people (even Christians) have exploited blogging privileges, all in the name "honesty". It is amazing - and certainly not amusing - to witness how people can summon the guts to say anything about others and make embarassing confessions about themselves on blogs just because they don't have to say it in person. This is something for all bloggers to take note of in our endeavour to be responsible bloggers: Ben Witherington: "On Speaking Privately in Public - On Blogs"

Argumentum ad ignorantiam

2005-12-23T10:41:00.000+08:00

It is a world wherein people will argue over anything, not because they truly have grounds for disagreement, but simply because they have a right to disagree and to express disagreement. They will disagree even if they are aware of their disagreement betraying their state of ignorance. For after all, anyone's opinion is as good as anyone else's. Those who desire to be responsible handlers of truth (whatever one perceives of this term) must never be caught argumentum ad ignorantiam (arguing from ignorance). If one must engage in beneficial and fruitful debates, let it be that there is legitimate cause for such an enterprise. And let all such endeavours be undergirded by a spirit of gentle humility. One also needs to keep in mind that there are potential arguments not worth engaging in, for in such climates, no one seeks to listen. It is a complex world wherein information and knowledge are freely disseminated. Whilst many are inclined to exploit knowledge to its fullest potential, we must find the thin line defining the distinction between knowledge and wisdom. True wisdom finds its power when one remains silent or speaks at the appropriate occasions. Knowledge is found where one speaks or acts to demonstrate one's lofty capabilities; but wisdom is found where one speaks or acts to move hearts.

Return of the Link

2005-12-22T02:04:00.000+08:00

Some updates on major happenings in point form: 1. I am back on broadband! I will spare you the horror of being enlightened on how many calls I have had to make and how many people I have spoken to in the past three weeks. No, on second thought, I won't spare you the horror... I have made some fifty phonecalls or therabout in the past three weeks, and spoken to nearly twenty people about getting my service activated. Some people are not doing their job; and the worse thing is, there's no way of even knowing who they are. But yes, I'm back on broadband. 2. I have been kept busy settling into my new house with my two parents and two furkids. We are well settled by now, and my parents love this town. To my horror, Mum exclaimed "I hope we will live here forever!" Okay mum, I'll try to negotiate with God about kicking me all over the globe like a ball, spherical though I may be. 3. I have apologetically cancelled my impending trip to Brazil in February 2006 for some foreseen reasons. It is regrettable that I will not be able to participate in the presentation of a theodicy at the 9th General Assembly of the World Council of Churches, but I trust they will find a suitable candidate to replace me in my absence. 4. I am also sustaining a momentum of curriculum preparation for the new term at Seminari Theoloji Malaysia. The specific topics I will be teaching in the coming term are Theological Prolegomena and Theology Proper. It is refreshing to explore once again the depth of the Patristic period in theological development, and utterly humbling to be reminded of the lack of depth in much of my own theological construction.

An Unreasoned Trust

2005-12-20T14:06:00.000+08:00

You cannot see beyond tomorrow, and rightly so... that's the way it was meant to be. All the insecurity, the fear and the apprehension you feel is real indeed. But perhaps the hope of the Father is that you will somehow come to see that he is truly a greater reality than any state of emotions in which you find yourself entrenched. In fact, he defines reality; he is the only one eternal reality. You are flesh and blood. It is therefore innate within you to reach out for another being of flesh and blood to soothe your pain during your moments of agony. At times like these, admittedly, the assured presence of an unseen Father cannot be of much help. It is only human to feel so. But you know that the pain in your being comes from a much deeper and more intense place than any human person can ever enter. It is not just a pain in your being; perhaps it is a pain of being. So much for helplessness and the occasional notion of hopelessness. The only way by which you can (or should) move on in this life is foward. Take your brief moments of solitude and grieve as much as you need to. But remember to stand up again and keep your eyes on the story that God is crafting. If you look intently enough, maybe you will even catch a glimpse of how your life finds its rightful place in the intricacies of this story. You need to learn to trust. Those who have come before you have called it "faith". But do not trust in faith itself; rather, trust in him, the Author and the Finisher of your faith. It may not be a reasoned trust, nevertheless it will never be found unreasonable... you can rest assured of that. Now, live.

"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

The Screwtape Letters: Letters from a Senior Devil to a Junior Devil - C.S. Lewis -

The Sacred Imperative

2005-12-17T12:22:00.000+08:00

Moments of anxiety plague me throughout my life journey. I often wonder if I will be able to make it through this journey faithfully and sail safely through the storms of devastation. Perhaps it is just me being faithless. You see, I can find the right answer for every query with which I confront myself... Q: How can I know I will make it? A: The grace of God will sustain you. Q: But the thorn in my flesh is excruciating. A: The grace of God is sufficient for you; his strength made perfect in your weakness. Q: Why is this happening to me? A: He has plans for your life that you know not of. Q: How do I know I have the strength to withstand it? A: He will not test you beyond what you can bear. Q: I am afraid. A: He is with you. You are never alone. You can rationalise your way through, but you cannot rationalise the fear away. Because something within you knows that the very thing you fear may - in a very real way - just be the thing you will have to face in time to come. And you know that "trusting the Lord to take it away" may not be something within his will at all. And so you realise that you have to learn to redefine "trust". Trust is now not so much about believing that the Lord will take away the undesirably painful things from your life. It is now about learning to abandon yourself into his hands and his will - your deepest hopes, your secret dreams, your intense longings...together with all the most excruciating devastations that have set in throughout the course of your life journey. And you have to learn such a posture of trust because that is the only way that you will be able to survive tomorrow. What a pain to bear. What a privilege to have known the sacred imperative of helpless abandonment. Fiat volvntas tua ... let Thy will be done.

The Pain of God

2005-12-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

For years now, you have sustained my existence. I could have sworn that I would have diminished if it had not been for your invisible hand in the crafting of my life story. Surely, I would have wasted away...the world was waiting for that moment of victory. I have truly tasted the privilege of your grace. But in being captured by your grace, I live in a constant dilemma. I agonise daily at my inability to live in a way that does justice to the grace with which you have confronted me. The more I come to understand the secrets of your heart, the more I suffer a pain from my inability to love you in the way you most desire. Others tell me that it is fine, and that you are gracious to accept my imperfection. But I have known and felt enough to know that the lack of perfection in my love for you and for my neighbour has brought a deep pain to you. The more I strive towards the perfection of this love, the more I'm confronted by my lack of a capacity for perfection. And each time I'm paralysed by this reality, your grace confronts me in even greater measure. The depth of your love is beyond my comprehension. But I know how this life of mine pains you deeply. It didn't cost you nothing to love me. But the wretchedness in me cannot fathom the magnitude of that cost. Still, I know enough to understand that my inability to do likewise leaves a deep longing within you; a longing to have my heart. Here is my life, Lord; I look to the cross and ask that you teach me to give it to you.

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross, Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live...

All Said and Done

2005-12-14T10:48:00.000+08:00

When it's all been said and done, one is obliged to ask one's self if the entire venture was worth it; if the magnitude of the laying down was even remotely proportionate to that which was reaped as a result. And maybe when one is compelled to speak in all truth, the only reasonable answer would be "No, it was not worth the while". If so, what keeps one persistent in the laying down of one's self anyway? Perhaps the laying down of one's life is demanded not because it would be worth the while. Perhaps it was simply demanded so that one can be like Christ, who embarked on an earthly journey that was not worth the while. The laying down of one's life could just be the very demand that attunes one to the heartbeat of God. To feel like Christ, to think his thoughts, to live his life, to walk in his footsteps, to suffer his pain, to love in his passion, to taste the intensity of his longing, and to share in his dream. To embrace the self-emptying life of the One who did that which was not worth it. So...no, it might not have been worth it. But still, one shouldn't have it any other way.

Taking Leave of Church

2005-12-09T10:49:00.000+08:00

Both have been inevitably wounded by the community they call "church", and yet one takes leave (or at least slides into a mode of indifference) whilst the other one stays in that environment even if it is painful. What makes the responses different? Why should a professing Christian be a passionate member of the Church? Whilst this is certainly a big question that begs for volumes of answers, I have three reflective reasons for staying. They are "why I choose to stay even if churchlife hurts me so": 1. God is community by nature, and we are called to embody his nature. Christianity has never been anything less than a communal faith. No one can be a Christian alone, because that would defy the very core of God's nature. I'm not saying that a person cannot be religious or remain on a spiritual "high" without the Church community. The heart of the matter is that the Church is called to be the visible embodiment of God's communal nature. Am I or am I not a part of it? 2. God's purpose is effective within community. The mandate that Christ gave to his people to love and to bring his love to the world was not given to isolated individuals, but rather, to a community. His missional purpose is bequeathed to a community, and hence the working out of this missional purpose cannot take place in isolation from the community - they are the guardians of the mission. Am I or am I not a part of it? 3. The Church is an abiding visible witness of God's intrusion into and presence in human history. This is one great reason for her visible presence on earth. The only way by which the Christian can truly constitute a witness to this reality is by being with the community, for better or for worse. And so, while I mourn my pain, God is still busy writing the story of this community. Am I or am I not a part of it? Well-meaning Christians may have been deeply hurt by the Christian community. Find me a person who has loved the Church very deeply and yet has never been wounded by the Church before. What makes wounded people stay is not that churchlife is pleasant and exciting, but that for better or for worse, they have vowed to be a part of a community that chooses to walk the path of the cross, even if this journey may seem imperfect and unbefitting in all its expressions for now. Being a part of the Church is a journey of discipleship, for we are called to enter in all our vulnerability, devoting ourselves to a community that may potentially hurt us deeply. But it is in embracing this hurt and pain that we can truly participate in the pain of the Body. Christ, despite the hurt and rejection he has faced from the community, has never taken leave...he steadfastly remains the Head. Also, it would be very presumptuous of anyone to assume that the community has hurt him/her, whereas he/she has never contributed to the woundedness of the Body. As soon as we withhold active participation from the Body and refuse to be an agent of change, we are - in a very real way - inflicting further pain and harm on the Body. As a wounded brother to another, I would say: Let us stay and weep together, nurse our wounds together...for the moment we slide into indifference, we are not truly weeping anymore; we're just sulking. Okay, maybe I just don't understand.

On Being Missional (Epilogue)

2005-12-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

Being missional is to understand that the greatest vocation in one's life is that of being a "lover", like Christ. To be missional is to be entirely devoted to the commandments to love God and to love one's neighbour, both being facets of the same love in devotion and expression. It is a love so deep that one is propelled to love radically, non-sensically, and ridiculously.

But beyond that, being missional is to be so convicted by the power of this love that one cannot help but see the inevitability of bringing this love out into the world, not just to one's immediate neighbours in Jerusalem or Judea, but also to the Samaritans. These are people of other distant cultures that we may even despise and abhor. And yet, the commitment to bring the love of Christ to them is a non-negotiable for the one who desires to live the missional life.

It must be understood that one is called to go into all the world, not so much because the world needs us for their salvation (God can save the world without us!) or because we need to hasten the return of Christ (there are people who actually believe this...huh?!) We are called to go into all the world because it is in the going that our understanding of and devotion to love is being challenged and refined. It is in going to all the world that that we come to realise how imperfect and deficient our love is towards God and towards our neighbour. The commandment to go into all the world is also the means through which God has provided for us to lay down our lives for him in concrete terms. It is easy to say "Lord, Lord...", but the commandment to go into all the world necessitates that one be willing to lay down one's life (together with all its benefits and comfort). Then one can say "Lord, Lord..." Whilst it is undoubtedly true that not every single individual is entrusted with the task to go, every follower of Christ is indeed obligated to embrace the going of his community by contributing to this "going" process in some way. This effectively also means that relationships within the community need to be regulated in such a way that each individual is sharpened to walk in love with the rest of his brethren, cultivated to look beyond himself towards the world, and challenged to lay down his life missionally in a radical way. To simply be like Christ. The Great Commission is the Great Commandment in action. One cannot exist without the other. And the sooner we realise that, the sooner we see that it's not about us saving the world...it's about us learning to live as a part of God's salvation story, and in the process, getting saved ourselves.

On Being Missional (Part 6)

2005-12-06T11:52:00.000+08:00

Being missional requires the depth of a love so great it is rendered non-sensical. It is a love that propels one into the nations, not merely to bring love, but to be love in the midst of the people. The paradox of such an exercise of love is that engagements with (those who are to us) "the Samaritans" inevitably betray the shallow measure of the love that we once thought was deep. Just as we thought we had finally learned to love like Christ, our engagements with "the Samaritans" prove otherwise...and we are thus challenged to learn to love all over again. Being missional requires a love of such radical magnitude that one is willing to live in a condition of detachment with the familiar realms of life. One must be willing to leave one's wealth, one's friends, one's family, one's job...and even one's own self, that the new self may be clothed with the garb of God's missional nature and purpose. The Christ was not joking when he said "...everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." It was an insane demand indeed, but he meant exactly what he said. And everyone who professes to follow him is compelled to live the life of insanity that Jesus lived. The life of insanity is one that requires the follower to choose the lesser path, to abandon the desirable things in life, to speak that which makes little sense to the sensible mind, to disappoint those who love you, and to give to those who least deserve the good things. One must truly be a paradoxical fool to follow Christ. Being missional requires that one count the cost of following Christ. Every day. It demands that the follower or disciple understands the measure to which he is willing to lay his life down for the Master whom he professes to follow and love devotedly. God never forgets those who lay down their deepest desires and dreams at the altar of the Kingdom. He remembers those whose lives are closely guided by the missional way of Christ. No, he never forgets those who truly desire to love him and to walk in his way. It is easy to love God "sensibly". But to love God radically - as he truly desires - is an entirely different story. He leaves it to us to decide.

On Being Missional (Part 5)

2005-12-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

But it is not just an embodiment of love that Christ seeks from those who profess to follow him. He requires the embodiment of a love that is real and authentic, not one that is hypocritical; a love that is vulnerable, not self-defensive; a love that is deep, not superficial; a love that is giving and sacrificial, not self-seeking. Christ requires a radical love. He requires a love so radical that it demands the bringing of that love beyond the community itself. Hence, the pinacle of the embodiment of the Great Commandment to love God and neighbour is to be expressed in the the Great Commission (Matthew 18:15-20) itself. Notice the decree of Christ in Acts 1:8 to be his witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Bringing the way of Christ to Jerusalem to people similar to ourselves should pose the least complications. Even Judea was homogeneous in its culture even if its people were geographically far too removed from the centre in Jerusalem. But having to engage with the people in Samaria was distasteful to say the least! They would be those who were most difficult to love (and probably the least receptive to our engagement, to begin with). Our Samaritans are those people whom we would have least liked to have seen becoming a part of the Church. They are those who invoke our sense of abhorrence; those who are "not worth the while". And the radical love of Christ demands that we engage with them and accord the same privileges to them that have been freely given to us. Such is the radical love of Christ. Such is the path of being missional.

Intermittent Introspection (7)

2005-12-03T14:20:00.000+08:00

I'm back in blogdom...unfortunately, not from the new home. And even more unfortunately, this reappearance is provoked by the oxymoronic impeccable incompetence of the local internet service provider who is unable to supply me with a decently simple broadband service even after a direct verbal promise was delivered. This has propelled me to rant furiously. So here I am in a shed on the the seminary grounds, somewhat miserably attempting to pick up the pieces of a broken cyberworld. I am now well-settled in Seremban, notwithstanding that the absence of a broadband service is giving me an intolerable ulcer. I have managed to find my way around with the help of some very kind friends who have been a tremendous help in my endeavour to settle down and prepare for the challenges of the coming year. My move to Seremban has confronted me with a challenge: to find and define myself all over again. This does not mean that I have lost myself all this while. It simply means that I have been plucked out from an environment of familiarity wherein my personhood was all too clearly delineated. That obvious delineation has now diminished in an instant, and I need to rediscover who I am called to be to the people whom I will soon call "my friends". Continuity will doubtlessly provide the foundation for this journey, but freshness will enflesh the new relationships...it must. This is all my articulative poverty can afford for now.

Intermittent Introspection (6)

2005-11-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

Adrenalin rush. Not because I'm in the midst of participating in a competition like the Amazing Race or Survivor. Yet in many ways, I feel like I'm racing against myself. Admittedly, I've never had a knack for competitions all my life. I'm not a competitive person except when it comes to competing against myself. And it is never just for the fun of it. My competitions against myself are usually matters of consequence to me in that there is a cause involved for which I'm willing to pay a cost. But that's another story. The competition today is about getting the last bits of my fortune packed up in time to be loaded onto the 5-tonne lorry this evening. The move was originally scheduled for tomorrow, but the logistics company has moved the date forward. It has been a long time since my home has looked so disorientated. And amidst this disorientation, there is a strong sense of anticipation at what is to come. This is true of both my community and myself. At times like these, we have nothing profound to say. I suppose it's because much of what's happening didn't happen at our word. Our words bring nothing into being. We are going through this experience of change together in having embraced the consciousness that God is the One actively writing our story. The fingers that wrote the ten commandments, those very fingers are writing our life stories. And right now, the challenge of my life story lies in having to prepare for the following: 1. The new appointment to teach Christian Theology in a seminary. It is the challenge of positioning my role as someone who points to Who I know rather than one who flaunts what I know. It is the challenge of loving those that I teach and inviting them to love me in return. 2. The intimidating schedule that lies ahead of me in the year to come. It is the challenge of remembering to love God and to love my neighbour beyond the pulpit, the conventions, and the lecture rooms. It is the challenge of being missional. As the appointments get more demanding, the feeling of vulnerability and inadequacy sets in more intensely. Same story. Same life. New chapter. Adrenalin rush. I apologise for the disruption to the present series of thought - On Being Missional. I'm busy trying to work out my missional life here, that's why. But once my missional life stabilises somewhat in the next couple of weeks, the series will be back on track.

Intermittent Introspection (5)

2005-11-25T15:05:00.000+08:00

Blogging is going to be a relatively scarce enterprise for me in the next couple of weeks. These next few days will spent doing some last-minute packing for the big move. And when I move into the new place 300 kilometres away, the installation of the telephone line and the internet broadband facilities will require time. I have to leave behind about two-thirds of my books since I cannot manage with the packing. Also, much of those books are really dated. Furthermore, it doesn't make sense to fuss over those books when I will be living just virtually a stone's throw away from a theological library containing at least 30 thousand volumes. The "mood" that hovers over as I go through the motions of packing and blowing dust off my shelves is "reflective rush". This is particularly true as I go through some one thousand books on my humungus bookshelf. How I have grown in my intellectual pursuit. I remember how some seven years ago, I entered seminary with an intellectual hunger to exhaust the Word of God, to know everything there was to know about him. To be hailed among my fellow believing friends as the bible expert. To have clear lines drawn between right and wrong, to have clear ready answers for everyone who asks. Today? I am more a learner than I ever was. I look back at my life and see in myself a young novice who had unknowingly fallen prey to the Enlightenment's modern positivism in that I had uncritically embraced the assumption that 1) all truth can be exhaustively embodied by man, and 2) all truth can be adequately articulated through scientific/rational language. Just staring at my collection of books, this naivette shows. And now...beyond just being "evangelical" (whatever that term means anymore) or "liberal" (I happen to know some post-liberals who are more evangelical than some professing evangelicals themselves! *shrug*), I seek to know who God is and how I can better live my life unto him. Theology is no longer just a pursuit of knowledge; it is a process of spiritual formation that I thrive on. God is more to me now than he ever has been, and I desire to seek him more deeply. And yet there is something in me that agonises at my inability to seek him, save for his own initiative in opening my eyes to the sacred things. I am no longer just seeking truth. I am now seeking the Truth. And beyond a mere body of propositions (however it may be categorised), this Truth is Jesus himself. The more I have sought to know him, the more I have realised that I do not know him as much as I desire to. He is Perfect Truth; he is Ultimate Truth. Although my articulation of my knowledge of him may be largely true, it is never terminal or absolute. This is not because the Truth is not absolute, but because my understanding of him is not absolute (even flawed at times...Lord, help me). And even at times when I gain a deeper understanding of him that I may think to be absolutely true, my linguistic capability fails me and the power of language breaks down. I am feeble. I resolve to listen, to share, to give, to receive, to invite, and to learn. The moment I decide to assert or banter with others, I am defying my own realisation that my theology is inadequate and should be open for correction. Always. The Truth is bigger than me. The Truth is the One who said "I am". And in knowing him, I vanish into his shadow.

On Being Missional (Part 4)

2005-11-23T13:47:00.000+08:00

Being missional requires us to love, not with a superficial human-instituted love, but with the radical love of Christ. It is a love that causes the missional Christian to do the most humanly senseless things in life. Senseless not because these things are mad in themselves, but because one simply cannot see how doing these things benefits the doer. It is a love through which there is nothing to be got, a love in which one loves simply for the sake of loving...because God is love. It must be accentuated that the Great Commandment to love God and our neighbour is not one that demands a passive love. It is a demand that finds physical expression in the life of the Christian. This was made evident in the life of the Christ who healed the sick and raised the dead. And this legacy is one that must by continued by the missional community that Christ has instituted. In other words, loving our neighbour must be the tangible expression of our love towards God. The one sign by which true believers are to be distinguished from those who make up empty professions is acts of love done in Christ's name and the emulation of his earthly example (Matthew 25:31-46). A loving community is what we are called to be. And yet, it is a love that compels us to do something as a demonstration of who we are as a missional people. The doing is not something that panders to strife, for it is something that becomes innate in the life of a community that is called to be. The community that embodies love naturally plants the fingerprints of love in all its works and outward expressions. One cannot exist without the other, for the doing is the evidence of the being.

On Being Missional (Part 3)

2005-11-21T17:45:00.000+08:00

The entire foundation for the missional life is love. In fact, the entire foundation of the Christian faith is love. Christ has mandatorily advanced that the foremost duty of the Christian is to love God and to love one’s neighbour, and that all the laws and the prophets hang on the commandment to love (Matthew 22:37-40). For the Christian, love is the reason for his being. The self-giving love of God was manifested in all its fullness in the coming, the crucifixion, the death, the resurrection, and thereafter the ascension of his Son Jesus Christ. The very triune characteristic of God himself points to the mutuality of a self-giving love among the persons of the Trinity. God's very gift of redemption speaks of his love, for he desires to restore a fallen mankind in a broken world. God's restoration of his reign on earth also speaks of his love in that he desires for his people to reign with him in intimate sonship. God's desire to purify his Church for the presentation of a spotless bride speaks of his love in that he desires for a bride that will be capable of loving him with a most holy love. Indeed, the fundamental motivation for all of God's being is love, because he is love. It follows, then, that missional life is one that embraces the very essence of the being of God - love. But there is more than meets the eye, for the radical nature of God's love defies our human sensibilities. It is then imperative that we understand what manner of love is required of us who desire to live the missional life.

On Being Missional (Part 2)

2005-11-20T22:07:00.000+08:00

Being missional is about seeing outward and looking beyond one's self.

Much of the Christian faith today is embraced as a faith for the self. It is for my salvation, my security, my blessings, my future, my eternity. Well, of course I give...but I give so that I may receive more. Of course I evangelise...but I evangelise so that I may say that I have done my rightful duty as a Christian.

Being missional requires one to look beyond such superficialities of the faith. It requires one to learn to lay one's life down for a purpose that is external to one's self. It requires one to live out the faith in such a way that benefits people other than one's self, often even at the cost of one's own detriment. Being missional is about realising that God does not call people into his reign just for the sake of their own benefit. It is about living with a consciousness that God has a higher purpose and plan - not just in eternity, but also in the here-and-now - and that we are called to participate in this purpose and plan. It is about understanding that this purpose and plan is infinitely bigger than us. This applies even for local church congregations. Being missional requires that a local Christian community look beyond itself and exist for a purpose infinitely higher and bigger than itself. It does not embark on operational endeavours for its own sustenance, but for a Kingdom-purpose that is in fact so big that the community itself cannot fathom its fullness. How do we work this purpose and plan out? More of that to come.

Intermittent Introspection (4)

2005-11-18T04:02:00.000+08:00

I have been struggling on whether or not to say something about this issue. I know that anything I say will be contributive to a publicity that this couple would do well without. Thus, let me not say anything further about them or what I think of them. Instead, let me say something to the "concerned crowd"... To the well-meaning Christians who truly care for the welfare of this couple, please do buy a plane ticket and fly yourself to pay them a visit. Take time to listen to their life story, the struggles that Jessie has been through in life, and the struggles that both of them have been through in their relationship. Understand the pain, the brokenness, and the sense of helplessness. First know them as people, as friends - not as sensationalised news - then give your take on their situation. Know both of them as the other before saying what you think of them. Because that's what Jesus would do. To the well-meaning Christians who think "right" and "wrong" is all that matters in such matters, you're wrong. Because that is not how God thinks. The God who judged the world to be wrong also laid his life down to rectify that wrong. When we judge something to be wrong, what are we willing to lay down to rectify that wrong? To think that we can pass value judgements based on fragmented and sensationalised bits of information published on the media is to be unjustifiably naïve. It's always easy to judge, because it makes us feel so right about ourselves. I am not saying that they are right...I'm simply saying I'm not sure we are the rightful judges. And I'm saying that since I have not afforded the time and the resources to meet them in person to truly understand them, I have no right to cast the first stone. A stone for you, anyone?

On Being Missional (Part 1)

2005-11-17T14:18:00.001+08:00

I'm beginning a new series of thought here: On Being Missional. It will not be an utterly long series, but I hope it will adequately explain (certainly in an inadequately feeble way) what it means to live the missional life. This is, of course, a crucial train of thought for myself because it constitutes the heart of the organic missional community that I come from. I suspect that the term "missional" was coined in recent times (at least in part) to mitigate some very obvious misperceptions that arose from the use of the terms "mission" or "missionary". At least, it is in this spirit that my community and myself have come to emrabce this term. In our journey towards understanding what being missional is, we have been confronted by some realisations pertaining to what being missional is not: We have realised that being missional is not about rendering our community preoccupied with embarking on multiple mission trips each year. Rather, it is about having our community embody what it means to have a missional spirit in the core of our being, whether or not we are out in the missionfield. Being missional is not about (although it certain does include) becoming missionaries. The point here is that a community may have embarked on missionary journeys and still not be a missional community. We have also realised that being missional is not about doing mission as a one-week programme. Rather, it is about the community of God being the programme for the world. It is not about hiding our incapabilities behind some externalised evangelistic programmes. It is about sharing our brokenness with the world in all its reality, hiding behind nothing save for the cross of Christ. In the final analysis, being missional is not just about doing. It is about being. But I'm running ahead of myself here. More about all this in entries to come.

The Glory of Life

2005-11-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

It is strange how people scramble around in search of significance, as if striving to fulfill an imperative of proving the legitimacy of one's reason for being. Some find significance in wealth, others in power, and yet others in charity. Yes, charity. We seek to write our own life stories that will be told at our impending earthly departure. We desire it be said of us that a great legacy has been bequeathed to the world by virtue of our existence. We desire it be made mention that a legend has been lost. And so we strive for greatness. We strive to achieve great things so that the world will attest to our worth. No few men have entertained these deep desires and, in fact, even attained them. But they are the very ones who have also expressed great remorse at the reality of an empty existence and a strange sense of isolation from the greater scheme of things. They have everything and yet feel like everything is nothing. Even at the top, they still find themselves preoccupied with thoughts like "If only..." and "What if..." In the world of greatness, they have lost themselves. In a world of significance, they have become isolated from themselves. When is a man ready for great things? When great things mean nothing to him anymore because he finds the reason for his existence in the simple things in life. He is ready for greatness when, beyond constructing monuments, he finds fulfillment in sharing an icecream (and therefore friendship) with a little child. The glory of life is found in the simple things.

Out of Africa

2005-11-15T19:28:00.000+08:00

Home.

My departure from South Africa was delayed by over two hours because of a petrol leak. We were kept waiting in the aircraft for over two hours with hardly anything to do. But I'm not complaining. I'm glad to be home "where the dogs are barking and the sms-es are working" (quoting someone verbatim).

This trip, like many other trips, has left an aftertaste. It is an aftertaste of knowing I have just bid a deeply sad farewell to some people who have taken a risk in journeying with me into the realm of the unknown. They did not have to, but they chose to trust me.

[Click on picture to enlarge] To my friends in Africa... You have taken precious time to help me understand what I have done for you, although much of this "doing" (as you would have known by now) was unintentional. I simply sought to "be" in your midst. Beyond all work, your friendship was most important to me. But now, let me tell you what you have done for me... You embodied trust. The trust that you have embodied in no way reflects on my trustworthiness as a person. It reflects on the spirit within you that longs to believe and deeply desires to receive the things that God wants to bring to you. So you simply took the risk.

You embodied charity. You gave beyond what you promised. You really did not have to. Even if you had given less than that which you did, it would not have discredited your honour in any way. But the measure in which you exhibited charity reflects on the commitment within you to give inasmuch as God desires to see your lives being broken and spilled out for him. So you simply gave.

You embodied authenticity. It would have been easy to put on a front in my presence, and I might have easily fallen for it (being the sometimes "gullible" person that I am - or that I sometimes choose to be). But you did not. You chose to reveal yourselves to me as you were, in all your imperfection, brokenness, and vulnerability. All this at the risk of suffering despise. The measure of authenticity in your existence as a community reflects your genuine desire to experience the real redemptive love of God for the broken. So you simply lived before me. Your willingness to be vulnerable in our relationship leaves my own virtues wanting. Your humility challenges my understanding of what it means to walk in faithful disgrace. You sought to learn "love" from me, when all along it was I who was increasingly being changed into the likeness of Christ through our journey together. What can I say. You truly are my friends.

In Loving Memory

2005-11-11T05:10:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts are racing furiously in my mental faculty just after watching My Dog Skip, a story that almost speaks of my life. My fascination and strange connection with canine creatures has often been found bizarre to many around me, save for my immediate family. Truth be told...

I grew up a depressive child, and dogs had been a strange source of comfort for as long as I could remember my childhood. Each time a cloud of melancholy hovered over my life, my strange connection with furkids would be the source of a redemptive healing...at least for the moment. For a child who never was able to find friends through playing ball (because every round ball seemed to become a square cube in his hands) and whose only source of intelligible conversation was books, my connection with dogs was the only real source of gentle comfort. They were the only creatures who never seemed conscious of my being different from "the rest of the guys in the field". I was who I was. Different. More an introspective thinker than a "physical guy".

Charis came into our home in December 2003 at a crucial point in the life of my family. My family, particularly myself (owing to my usual childhood melancholic predispositions), was struggling emotionally with some realities of our lives. In a strange and yet not unexpected way, she restored a deep sense of joy. Charis died in May 2005 at one year and ten months old. She suffered from a congenital renal failure. Throughout the last week of her life, she lay in deep pain, unable to and yet still desiring to radiate a loving joy for the sake of the people whom she loved and who deeply loved her. A short and yet fulfilling life. I deeply believe that had she been given a chance to choose all over again a family for herself, she would still have chosen us. And short though her life was, she fulfilled her destiny to love and to be loved by people who became to her, family.

A friend shared with me last night that "each of us must find that which we cannot afford not to do in our lives". If I knew of a creature who lived intimately with me and who lived up to this truth, it would be Charis. She fulfilled her destiny throughout her short duration of life...she brought hope to a man in despair. And little does the world know what she has done for the man who has been strengthened to now love the world and to be loved in the Spirit of Christ. I wonder how things would have been like if Charis had not existed. But no grown man speaks of dogs who have died. We speak of greater matters of consequence ...politics, philosophy, and economics. At most we speak about fierce dogs that guard properties. But only wimpy men talk about dogs who love. We have two beautiful dogs in our home, and we love them like mad. But I still think of Charis all the time. Still, I must guard this secret, lest others call me a wimp. I must therefore return to politics, philosophy, and economics. Charis...a name that spells grace. She truly lived.

After the Storm

2005-11-10T08:53:00.000+08:00

After the storm... A restless peace... A jarring silence... A disturbing calm... An abrupt pause... A gripping stillness... A confusing clarity... A resigned surrender... A blissful melancholy... An anxious anticipation... A nagging uncertainty... A hessitant contemplation... A fragmented past... A dissonant present... A dislocated future... A wandering introspection... A crystalised confusion... A distraught clarity... A painful healing... A distant hope... An infinite grace.

Get a Life!

2005-11-08T20:58:00.000+08:00

I know, I know...you have a story to tell, a crucial message to bring to the world. Things are not the way they are supposed to be, I understand. You feel a pain and an incredible sense of responsibility to rectify the situation. If only these people would understand and be willing to strive with you towards that state of perfection you so long for, huh? You have tried to so many times and in so many ways to make them listen to what you have had to say. And yet their stubbornness invalidates your intentions and thwarts your motivations, and that frustrates you into sweat and tears. It reduces you into a state of perplexity. You know what...I would like to invite you to explore a new approach with me. It is the approach of embodiment. Maybe it is time to stop talking. Maybe it is time to stop engaging in the rhetorics of persuasion when no one is truly interested to listen in the first place. But embodying the message is an entirely different thing...people can stop you from talking, but no one can stop you from loving and living! And the beautiful thing about this is that people can shut their ears from your message, but no one can help themselves watching you live! So let's stop talking and get a life!

The Posture of Sonship

2005-11-07T07:03:00.000+08:00

It takes years, literally, before the life of a minister is formed. He is subjected - most often by human institutions - to the traditional disciplines of prayer, work and study for the cultivation of spiritual, physical and intellectual depth. And even so, upon the inauguration of his ministry, he remains starkly conscious of a kind of inadequacy that haunts his confidence. Over the years, experience in the field increasingly affirms his inadequacies over and over again. At some point, there is an inclination for him to abandon that desire to strive for adequacy and to just "make do"; it is not even about rendering one's best anymore, but rather, to simply "make do". This person is, in all likelihood, inclined to settle for mediocrity for the rest of his ministerial life, because of a choice to simply "make do". He is not so much broken, but rather, defeated (the distinction is subtle but evident). But there is this other type of minister who refuses to yield to the reality of inadequacy. He keeps striving towards excellence and perfection, many times stumbling at points of frustration. In many ways, he struggles to be the best in his own strength and ability. But one day, he breaks. He finds himself in a position of helpless paralysis, and cries out "Lord, I cannot." At this point, God says "Yes, you cannot. It is I who can." And the man starts all over again, this time ministering his life to the world from a position of weakness and helplessless. He now offers himself to the world not as a strong teacher from an advantaged position, but as a servant of the Lord who is willing to be broken over and over again for the glory of his Master. The result of this change in his paradigm of ministry creates deep impact and great works, and yet this reality fails to occupy the compartment of pride in his life because he is keenly aware that the glory arising from God's work must never be possessed by any man. Even now, I remain unsure if ministering from that place of helplessness is already a reality for me. If I am not, then I pray that the Lord will take me there. Again and again. I know it will most likely cause me to weep in pain and suffer in agony, in more ways than one. But if that is what it takes to live in a posture of sonship, I want to be there. I truly do.

The Pride of Man

2005-11-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

When a pride of lions hangs around your vehicle in an open safari, and when one of them peers through your vehicle window that happens to be open, you are confronted by a helpless sense of frailty. For far too long, man has exalted himself above all nature and conquered all wild beasts with mighty weapons and manipulative instruments. But when these ferocious animals approach us as they are, their sheer proximity disarms us and strips us of our self-perceived grandeur. We are but nothing in the scheme of creation. And yet the eyes of the Creator are well set on us. And when his compelling love captures the attention of our hearts and minds, it changes even our way of relating to the creatures of the earth relative to ourselves. It should.

Nature's Cry of Praise

2005-11-04T10:25:00.000+08:00

At the wake of dawn, you cruise in a boat along the Vaal River, the second longest river in South Africa. At a moderate speed, the cool wind caresses you and brushes its fingers through your hair. As it wraps itself around you, it whispers distinct harmonies of nature. And your eyes are confronted with nature's spectacle that has been for far too long and far too much taken for granted...wild reeds and swarming bushes on both sides of the bank. Right above you, just several metres away, congregations of birds taking flight in close proximity...in all sorts of colours, shapes and sizes. And this just persists for hour after hour at that moment of your life. It somehow concretises a consciousness that you are meant to be there by the guiding hand of an invisible force, not of your own doing. And this provokes a strange sense of anticipation. Then suddenly...BANG!...an epiphany is burst forth from within you as a doxology is birthed from your being. Every bit of substance in your personhood cries out with nature in a loud symphony, shouting "Holy holy is the Lord, the whole earth is filled with his glory..."

The Mystery of a Holy Love

2005-11-03T13:43:00.000+08:00

I can never understand a love so deep, so pure, so giving. A love that desires reciprocity and yet does not selfishly demand it. A love that persists in giving to me despite my own incapacity to return this love in equal measure. I find myself standing at a point of paralysis, deeply desiring but being helplessly unable to love God as deeply as I want to. This arises from a daily consciousness of this compelling love of Christ, who invites me to journey with him in the way of love. I find myself being confronted by a frustrating incapacity. But I found grace. A grace that grips me, sustains me in this love and never lets me out of sight. A grace that keeps on loving me despite my inability to reciprocate the way I should. But it is also a grace that keeps longing for the day when I may love my God in a state of holy perfection. A love so mysterious beyond my foolish comprehension. And yet it is this very love he seeks to perfect within me. I look within myself and fail to see how the perfection of this love is even possible. But I must believe that he can do it.

I'm Not Okay, but That's Okay

2005-11-02T05:42:00.000+08:00

We need more authentically real Christian communities. We need communities that understand that people enter into their spheres in less than desirable states; many having been battered by circumstancial conditions of their lives, others having been brutally scarred by the realities of life and the world. Why bother pretending to be all right when deep inside we know that we're not? Why try to look strong when all there is left on the inside is hardly a strand of energy left to sustain one throughout one's journey? Why is it not better to lay down one's pride and begin crying for help from a community of equally broken people who would do their best to stand with us in our struggle? At least, even if they had nothing else to offer, their identification with our struggle would lessen the isolation effected by our struggle. If Christ be the Christ who would call out to the prostitutes and tax collectors, then he is also the Christ who calls out to all others who are "not okay". He is the same Christ who invites those who are "not okay" to come and struggle together and to subsequently experience together the redemptive ability of the broken Christ. I dream of the power of a community that empowers each individual within it to say "I'm not okay, but that's okay".

Another Reality

2005-10-29T03:36:00.000+08:00

I think I have finally understood. You leave your world of comfort for another world that you call your "missionfield". Even if it was for just a brief period of time, you virtually unpluck yourself from a familiar reality and transplant yourself in another reality that is absolutely alien to you. It is initially rather exciting...new people, new air, new objects, new places...it is almost like a tour. But after a while, as familiarity grows, isolation begins to creep in. The "strange" people you interact with seem friendly, and yet you know that you have not been long enough with them to understand them or to know if they can be called "family". And so you begin to think of the "family back home". And you visualise them amidst the momentum of their routines. And it suddenly dawns on you that they may not really remember you exist; at least it may appear that way...isolation does strange things to a person. Even through correspondence, they seem to be fulfilling an obligatory duty amidst the momentum of their lives. A deep fear and insecurity begins to creep in as you experience that void of apparent non-existence. You want to tell the people back home what is happening to you, but they are busy. It's nobody's fault; they're just busy. The unapparent weaknesses of your life are abruptly magnified before you in your moment of solitude. Fear translates into panic. In search on something real on which to cling, you look to God in despair. And he says "Yes, it's just you and me now. Now you know why I said 'Go'"? And you desperately realise that the closest reality that you can find within your secluded world is God himself.

But maybe when it has all been said and done, I may still not have quite understood. If so, it simply means I have to keep "going". The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Hurting for the Body

2005-10-28T22:17:00.000+08:00

To the one who weeps for the Church...I know it pains you to witness the state of the Body of Christ today. And I stand with you. We are looking at a fractured Body whose parts are disjointed, fragmented, injured, and do not function as a cohesive whole. I know you must have spent days and nights agonising over this reality. I know, because I have done the same myself. Yes, it truly hurts. And yet, my friend, let us - you and me - not be quick to drop a sentence on the state of our fellow brethren. Let us not pronounce hopelessness or allow our anguish to be translated into despair. You see, these other friends of ours are just doing the best that they can in the best way they know how. They sincerely believe that this is how the Body of Christ should function. Maybe they do not know any better, for they have been taught by others who also sincerely believed the same to be true. Let us embrace them. Let us surround them with a spirit of hope. Let us live our lives in a way that shows them what the way of Christ truly is, and inspire them to do the same. After all, we too are only able to do the best that we can in the best way we know how. Maybe this pain was just meant to make us better people after all. Maybe in weeping for the brokenness of the Body, we are also weeping for our own brokenness. It is all right to cry for the injured Body, but let us journey on with hope as we cry. It is not in vain. For the Body will be made perfect at the appointed time. The Head will make sure of that. Meanwhile, let us resolve to walk faithfully in the way of Christ and do the best we can to inspire others to do the same. Shall we?

Weeping Christians

2005-10-27T04:51:00.000+08:00

Weeping Christians...have you met any? The first category of weeping Christians may also be called "sulking Christians". They weep because the Church has hurt them so deeply. The Church has manipulated them. The Church has abused them. The Church has lied to them. The Church has cheated them. And they cannot get over it. And no matter how many local congregations they move to, there never seems to be one congregation that is able to help them to recover their place in the community anymore. Because they have been hurt too deeply, and they fear being hurt all over again. No, they cannot get over it...and it is unreasonable of anyone to expect them to get over it. Their favourite phrase is "But you don't understand..." The second category of weeping Christians are those who weep over the imperfect state of the Church. They see a wounded people struggling helplessly to find healing. They cry over an injured Body that has somehow never been able to recover its strength to rise above the drowning currents of the world. They mourn over a people that has lost their sense of calling. Despite their tormenting pain for the Church, they foolishly refuse to define themselves apart from the Church. Some cry in repentance because they see themselves as contributive factors to the problem. They persist in weeping day and night, agonising over the pain of the Church, crying out, "Lord, heal my people". They are too busy weeping for the Church there is no time to weep for themselves. Weeping Christians...both so similar, yet so different. Have you met any?

What's Love Got to Do With It?

2005-10-26T15:33:00.000+08:00

Everything. We can participate ardently in the perfect plan of God for his world. And yet, if we miss out on his foundational motivation of love in this invitation for our participation, we would have entirely misconstrued the heartbeat of God. We can be perfectly working out our entire lives in a thoroughly Christian-looking way; but if we at any moment dismiss the divine motivations for the perfection of our love in Christ, we have entirely ignored the dream of God for his people. God is love. And if our God is love, we must be the embodiment of this love to the world. This is essentially what the entire foundation of the Christian faith is. In the traditional Christian disciplines of prayer, work and study, one must never forget that the underlying intentions of these disciplines is to provide space for a rhythmic expression of our love towards God. We pray because God so desires for us to live in close communion with him in this relationship of love. He longs to hear us express the desires of our hearts as we voluntarily share in his dreams as a response to his compelling love towards us. We work because we are placed within the confines of space and time - a world that needs to witness the reality of God's love in their midst. The compelling love of Christ must move us to bring this love to every nation, tongue and tribe. The self-emptying love of Christ must cause us to empty ourselves for his sake, that the world will also be inspired to do likewise. We study because we are in a constant journey of satisfying this insatiable desire to move deeper and deeper in this relationship of love with our Lord. And the way to move deeper is by learning as much as is possible that which he has revealed himself to be. Every enterprise of study must lead to a deeper love and a more resounding doxology of Christ. Love has got everything to do with it.

To Love Beyond

2005-10-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

It is relatively easier to love within the confines of one's home. It is relatively easier to avail one's self in situations wherein most factors may be construed as "controllable" factors, even if this is at best a foolishly self-deceiving perception. When life situations are well-defined by perceived realities of predictability and relative certainty, loving the world in the Spirit of Christ can be an effortless expression. But when one reaches beyond the confines of one's home and place of comfort, the enterprise of loving the world in the Spirit of Christ is rendered anything but involuntary. Henceforth, it becomes an act of the will, a firm choice from one's steadfast devotion to the person of Christ. When one ventures beyond one's own boundaries of comfort to love the world in the Spirit of Christ, one's own gravest weaknesses are magnified and one's own vulnerabilities intensified. To love the world is also to embrace a posture of humility in that one allows the world to reveal the lesser state of one's being. Loving the world in the Spirit of Christ can often also be a painfully lonely journey. Even when one loves out of the abundance of one's heart, the human person's emotional, intellectual, mental, and physical resources are limited. Together with the offering of one's self in loving the world is also the challenge to find one's unlimited source of love in the Spirit of Christ himself.

We're Coloured People

2005-10-24T09:30:00.000+08:00

I have discovered throughout the past several days that if I had lived under the apartheid reign of South Africa, I would have been categorised as a coloured person. This would have effectively made me a lesser human person than the whiteman. There were several anomalies in this system that are worth noting. I being Malaysian Chinese would be categorised as coloured. However, a Japanese would be considered "honorary white". An African American would also be considered "honorary white". Yes, what a load of junk. If that was not ridiculous enough, this is another piece of the puzzle: it is said that the Dutch Reformed Church in South Africa either established or upheld this system, citing that there was divine evidential support for it. There is something within me that feels somewhat proud to be identified as a lesser person although this is no longer a reality in the New South Africa. I think of a God who embraces the lesser people of society and calls them his own. I think of a Christ who leaves his glory and is incarnated as a lesser man, and who suffers a manner of treatment fit only for lesser people. So let me be the coloured person, lesser and deserving of no greatness. I'm not even beginning to assume that I can remotely understand the pain that our coloured and black brethren went through during the apartheid era of South Africa. But I am proud of them. Very much so. They were more human than their oppressors. More human than me, perhaps.

Amor Vincit Omnia

2005-10-23T14:58:00.000+08:00

Amor Vincit Omnia: Love Conquers All

Intellectual/Emotional Vegetation

2005-10-22T17:05:00.000+08:00

So much has happened throughout my past week in South Africa. Both happy and sad, pleasurable and painful... But this is the weekend, and after an entire week of emotional drain from ministerial work, I am allowing myself to be a dysfunctional-up-to-no-good-nothing-useful-to-offer-stay-out-of-my-way loafer. It is nice to find opportunities to vegetate occasionally and free one's self from the routines of intellectual and emotional rigours. Today is such a day. So the answer for me this morning was to join my friend in the yard in a self-indulging session of shooting tin cans with an air rifle. Sometimes a little boy's gotta do what a little boy's gotta do. And yet, amidst that moment of letting loose, there is a deep sense of reality of the Kingdom of God in our midst...even while shooting tin cans. When we are conscious of the work of God in building his Kingdom, we are connected to that reality always. Or at least that's how it should be. Mum, if you're reading this blog...I'm sorry I've been naughty!

Profoundly Simple

2005-10-22T05:27:00.000+08:00

I had a lovely dinner in the house of an African family here; people I now call friends. They are neither theologians nor professional Christian ministers. They are merely a simple family that have abandoned almost everything in their lives in order to live in the way of Christ; the kind of family that says "If this is what God wants, then let's do it". It is strange how profoundly enlightening realisations unexpectedly emerge over conversations that take place over a meal. To begin with, all of us entered into the conversation with a deep, deep desire for them to know me, and vice versa, for me to know them. Beyond the casual superficialities, we were truly desiring to establish a friendship in a very real way. And so the conversation went on. And in the midst of the conversation, they suddenly spoke into my life so powerfully without even realising that they were doing it. We were talking about our lives being the embodiment of Christ, when they said, "Yeah, we are the only bible some people are ever going to read". And these words immediately caused the sacramental and incarnational animal within me to leap. It was a breathtaking moment...literally, God was speaking. It is strange how simple people understand such profound things, whilst the wise and learned people miss such non-negotiable truths about life and faith. We are the only bible some people are ever going to read. Think about it.

Making of the Vision-Carrier

2005-10-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

There are times when we can be so utterly sure of a vision to make an impact in the world or to change the state of the Church from her present imperfection. And yet, we tread along this path of endeavouring to bring change to the world only to discover that it was our very hearts and lives that God had set his eyes upon all along. To our horror, it was us whom he wanted to change before transforming the world. A vision to impact the world or to bring change in the Church invokes a sense of excitement and purpose. But in the same breath, it could also constitute no less than a symptomatic expression of a preoccupation with self-significance. To carry a vision from God could, in the final analysis, after all just be another expression of human vanity. It is as if being the carrier of a divine vision places one on a higher plane of significance than that of the other insignificant mortals. For this reason, it is crucial that God works on the life of the vision-carrier before he entrusts the vision into the hands of the carrier. So that it will transcend a mere gratification of the human hunger for significance and a self-defined purpose that is divinely affiliated. The heart of the vision-carrier needs to be pruned of all self-absorbtion, self-preoccupation, self-preservation, and self-defence. Then only can the sacredness of the divine vision remain untainted in the hands of its carrier. Otherwise, the integrity of the vision itself lies in question. It is commonly said that one cannot carry a vision unless one was willing to die for it. Perhaps the scheme of God's purpose is such that one cannot carry a vision unless one was already dead to it. Then only can one be sure that the vision is the unreserved possession of God and not one's own to have and to hold. Then only will the sacredness of the vision remain untainted. When is a man ready to carry a vision inspired of God? When he sees nothing else but the cross. When the cross is so meaningful that even the vision cannot match its significance. One should carry a divinely inspired vision only when the cross is the sole vision one can see.

The Silence of a Fool

2005-10-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

There are moments in our journey when all human endeavours to articulate the being of God in all his awe, splendour and majesty are frustrated by the deficiency of human language. This is one such moment. I feel foolish for even attempting to express - in my juvenile naivette - who my God is. He is.

The Power to Dream

2005-10-17T14:43:00.000+08:00

There are multiple occasions in life when we may be confronted with the ugly realities of life, when the state of the fallen world drives us to agonising despair. Realities of poverty, corruption, and inequality in the regulation of human life. There are times when despair overwhelms and one is inclined to throw in the towel and pander to a state of resignation. After all, which one single average human person would garner sufficient resources to create impactful change? And perhaps it is true that the task of creating impactful change is beyond us. And yet, for the follower of Christ, there must be an innate inclination within us to persist in dreaming God's dreams for the world. Not because we believe we can change the world, but because we believe in a God who has the power to redeem the world into perfection in his own appointed time. Whilst the task of creating impactful change may be infinitely beyond us, we are called to live out this eschatological vision by persisting in this dream. To hold on to a dream of eschatological perfection and to uphold that dream in the best way we know how is by no means a reflection of a vain dreamer. Rather, it is an expression of faith in an unseen reality that has been promised by the God of redemption. We keep on dreaming not because we can change the world, but because we believe he can and will change the world as he has promised. Our dreams are not a reflection of our own power and capabilities, but rather, a reflection of the God we have embraced as our very own Saviour. We must dare to dream and to live this dream. Not for ourselves or because we believe we can make it happen. Dream because we are called to witness in the here-and-now a future reality that has been promised.

The Runner's Ramble

2005-10-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

I am at this moment in time comfortably parked in a nice little corner of the McDonald’s restaurant in Kuala Lumpur International Airport. No, I didn’t come here just to tap on the wireless connection of the airport. Oh please, I don’t do such things…even if I occasionally did it, I wouldn’t announce it! I’m on my way to Johannesburg, South Africa; will be catching the 1am flight, and it will take me ten hours to arrive at my destination. Every such trip away from home (which occasionally happens once too often) invokes a torn feeling within me. Whilst I am all excited to meet with a wider community of like-minded followers of Jesus, there is a heaviness of sorts that leaves with me. For of all places in the world, home happens to be my favourite place. Home has become an epitome of refuge for all who would care to come and share life with us. Our home is far from large. Our space is limited. And yet, there has never been a lack of room for anyone who would be willing to share in the warmth of God’s sustaining grace that hovers over my family and me. So yes, I will miss home. I already do. And yet there is this other sense of deep anticipation that lurks somewhere on the surface of my emotional tide. It is an anticipation of meeting fellow brethren in another land. I am most often unsure of my own capacity - let alone my competence - to contribute to the enrichment of their lives, but I have thus far never failed to return a changed person myself. And I cannot shake the feeling that each visit yonder incrementally enlarges the size of my family. I am increasingly reminded that in order for me to understand the significance of community, I must be willing to allow for a redefinition of “family” in accordance with that of Christ’s. In following Christ, one’s family is no longer to be defined within the confines of biological ties. There is a tie much stronger, deeper, and eternal than that with which we are familiar. And we must live in expressive resonance with this newly defined familial tie. The constant challenge is that of rendering myself vulnerable enough to have my life defined by this spiritual family. I must be willing to consider my spiritual brothers as my own family. I must be willing to avail my emotional, physical, and spiritual resources for all “my own” who are in need. And by this, all men will know that we are Christ’s disciples. And in the final analysis, I must have the guts to mean what I am herein saying.

The Heart of the Matter

2005-10-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

I have learned that it is all about love. This is the heart of the matter. Love is the most fundamental motivation for all of God’s transactions with his creation. It is indeed ironical that we often miss the point on something so simple. But perhaps it is because there is a depth of profundity amidst this simplicity which is clouded by the tangibility of the world. When God says that he so desires a relationship with us, it is exactly as he means it. Nothing more. Relationship. Love. He wants to be loved for who he is: Creator of everything that exists; Creator of existence itself. The ultimate embodiment of love and relationship within the economy of the Trinity: this is God; this is love. Perhaps we have never understood. All he has asked is that we exist as his community, the embodiment of the Trinitarian love of God. We are called to love one another intimately, deeply, and relationally. Not casually, superficially and functionally. Love is an end in itself, because it reflects who God is. We have often expressed the language of hope in response to the despair of the world. We have often expressed the language of faith in response to our dreams for the future. But perhaps we have somehow lost the language of an authentically relational love. Much of the love embodied in the life of the Church today is a functional love. Such a love does not exist as an end in itself; it is a love that is instrumentalised for another purpose. We express love because it gives rise to a climate of positivism in our communities. We demonstrate care when we need to see our community grow numerically. We love “in order to…”. But God says to love one another because he is love. And it is in loving one another that all men will know that we are followers of Jesus Christ. It is not a functional love he desires. He does not even will that we love others just for the sake of bringing them into the Kingdom. He simply desires that we love because he is love. And he desires that we love in deep sacrifice and vulnerability. It is a love that unreservedly offers our possessions for the wellbeing of one another. It is a love that offers one’s security, social status, and life for the welfare of the community. It is a love that propels the mighty man to undress and slip into the attire of a slave and to wash the feet of “the other”. And for as long as we are yet to understand what it means to love one another (whom we can see) in this manner, we lie to ourselves when we claim that we love God and devote ourselves unreservedly to him (whom we cannot see). Forget evangelism. Forget social work. Forget growing the church. Forget the theological scholastics. Forget the exercising of the gifts. Forget the conferences and concerts. First, love; because God is love. Love the Lord your God with everything within you. And love your neighbour as yourself. Not for any reason other than that God is love. And the Christian journey is about spending our entire lives learning incrementally what this powerful truth must mean for us as followers of Jesus Christ. Perhaps one day when we have truly understood what it means to love God simply for the sake of enjoying a relational love with him, then he will say "Go and do likewise". And then, we will truly understand what it means to be the Body of Christ in the world...the embodiment of God's love. It is all about love. Will we ever understand?

The Church that I See

2005-10-13T13:27:00.000+08:00

The Church that I see is a Church that is scorned in terms of its societal influence. A Church so true to her calling that the city and nation cannot ignore it, and yet despise it. A Church struggling to grow because her gospel is so authentic that it repulses the common sense of the human person. A Church that is so marginalised and insignificant that she needs no concrete buildings to contain her, for she is just there. Everywhere. I see a Church whose heartfelt worship praise and worship exalts God for who He truly is, and not simply for who she wants Him to be. Her worship of God is an end in itself and not for the purpose of asserting any form of earthly influence. Whilst exalting Christ with songs of faith and hope, she also reflects the pain suffered by her Lord for her redemption. She refuses to engage in any hollow triumphalism. I see a Church that abolishes her own altar and brings her people out into the world as invitational altars that influence others to live in the way of Christ. They do not go out as the "sinless among the sinners", but rather, as redeemed sinners who have embraced the grace of God and are learning to work out their salvation. In that way, they share in the real struggles of other fellow human persons. Yes, the Church that I see is so dependent on the Holy Spirit because many will try to stop it and stand against it, and at times even seem to prevail; a Church whose people are unified, praying and full of God's Spirit. The Church that I see has a message so clear that lives are changed incrementally and potentials are fulfilled by being laid at the altar of God's missional purpose for the world through the power of His Word (which is understood by way of careful exegetical study); a message embodied in the very lives of her people so they can go and live amongst those who possess no television screens. I see a Church so compassionate that people are drawn from impossible situations into a loving and friendly circle of hope, where answers are sought together (because there is often no short-cut answers to issues in life unless one preferred to be simplistic about things) and acceptance is offered. I see a people so Kingdom-minded that they will count whatever the cost and pay whatever the price to be God's instruments of revival in the land. And that revival may not necessarily be expressed in a certain preconceived way, for she submits unreservedly to the sovereign authority of God in every expression of revival from one culture to another. The Church that I see is a Church so committed to raising and empowering a leadership generation who will understand that its task is not so much of reaping the harvest merely as a shallow numerical goal, but rather, reaping the harvest by simply being Christ to the world (even if it may mean a longer journey towards the reaping). It is a Church so enlightened by the understanding that the task of evangelisation is a part of her own discipleship journey rather than an imperialistic attempt at gospelising the world with her body of beliefs without first allowing them to witness the person of Christ in her life. I see a Church whose head is Jesus, whose help is the Holy Spirit and whose focus is the Great Commission. And yet, she herself is so much a part of this Great Commission in that whilst she disciples the world, she herself is being discipled through that experience itself. It is a Church that understands that the task of the Great Commission is not simply about world evangelisation. She is not a naive Church. YES, THE CHURCH THAT I SEE COULD WELL BE OUR CHURCH - THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST. Sherman Kuek, Member of the Body of Christ [A personal adaptation from "The Church that I See"]

Remembering Mortality

2005-10-11T00:13:00.000+08:00

People seek heroes. Heroes who assure them of victory, who show them the way of success, and who inspire them to achieve. Beyond heroes who exercise virtues, they seek heroes who perform; heroes who make them think they can. But for us who stand on this side, we know that the life of a hero is shallow. The reality is that we are feeble. We cannot save the world. All we have are noble intentions and broken dreams to share. But yet, we still share God's dreams for the world and for the lives of those we love. We share God's dreams by loving the world authentically and vulnerably. And yet we do not love in a spirit of triumphalism. We love in a spirit of brokenness and humility. We love by sharing in the brokenness of the world. We love by offering ourselves to and sharing ourselves with the world, in weakness and humility. Perhaps when the world sees that a fellow sufferer has come to terms with his mortality from finding a sustaining grace and an abiding love in the way of the cross, they will do likewise. We need more broken friends. Heroes let us down.

"Respice post te, mortalem te esse memento." Look around you, remember that you are mortal. - Tertullianus -

Selfish Selflessness

2005-10-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

There is a point in life at which a person is confronted by the cross of Christ and finds himself challenged to abandon things that he holds dear in order to follow the way of Christ. Most people shudder at such confrontational instances, for there is too much in this life to lose in following Christ. The weight of the cross is sometimes overbearing, to say the least. And yet, there are some others - perhaps extremely few, but nevertheless existent - who seem to be almost too willing to abandon everything to follow Christ. Initially, it is thrilling to see one such extraordinary zeal for self-abandonment...until you eventually realise that there never was a sense of self in that person in the first place. The call to self-denial presupposes that there ever was a sense of self. Where there is no sense of self, there is no "self" to deny or to offer to the Lord. It is dangerous when a person says "I'll just follow anything Jesus says; after all I've had nothing left to lose from the start anyway". That is different from saying "I have lost everything I have had to lose for Christ, and therefore have now nothing left to lose". The former person never offered anything. He has no cross to carry. God welcomes everyone; even the one who has lost his sense of self or the one who never had it in the first place. But he also requires that the person embrace a restorative search for his identity. It is in understanding who we are that we can thereafter know what we are offering to God. It is in finding our identities that we thereafter are confronted by the reality that our self-worth is never worthy enough for God. Then we can offer these selves to God and have our identities redefined by the person of Christ. Following Christ is not about having no sense of the self. It is about having Christ to work through our sense of self so that it becomes aligned with Christ's own sense of self. Following Christ comes at a cost, and it costs us ourselves. Those who never had a sense of self must allow Christ to help them find themselves, and then later on be confronted with a choice to embrace a denial of this self and abandonment into God's hands. Only then has something truly been offered to God - the self. To offer a non-existent self to God would be a most selfish thing to do. In saying "Lord, here's nothing for you", one is hoping that God will be willing to accept nothing and give everything in return. Whilst God in his loving grace may undertake even such self-motivated transactions, it is not a choice that honours God. We cannot offer to God something which we do not have.

Back on the Mount

2005-10-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

Just arrived home from my week-long peregrination in Kuala Lumpur. Despite my physical fatigue (okay, if you really must push it further - FATigue), there is an introspective and lingering feeling of sacredness regarding my encounters with some of you in the past week. I want to say that I am truly a richer man because you have eaten with me, drunk with me, sat with me, slept with me, spoken with me, and shared with me. And some of you have even demonstrated the richness in you by putting up with my occasional ignorant propositional insistence. One of you described some of those moments in your life when you felt so aligned with your existential design that you said "Even if I die tonight, it is all good". I am just simmering myself within this state of existential revelry now. On the way back, I dropped by Seremban to find a house (for rent) in preparation for my impending move towards the end of next month (November). Managed to find a nice-looking little house that is rented out cheaply by a couple of pretty decent owners. It is a very small house, but there is always room for anyone who might desire the joy of huddling in with my community in close proximity. And I mean always. I look forward to the move and the subsequent preparations for my new position as an adjunct lecturer in Christian Theology in this seminary. But for now, I need to unpack my luggage and get packed all over again in preparation for my month-long trip to Johannesburg (South Africa) this coming Saturday. The only thing that consoles me regarding the disorientating realities of living off a suitcase is that I never cease to remain amazed at the way community is formed in each of my encounters beyond my comfortable home.

Our Language of Discourse

2005-10-08T18:45:00.000+08:00

Three brief thoughts about theology have been reinforced through my interactions with my community in the past several days. The first of the three thoughts is that theology is the sole right of the Christian community. It is a language that belongs to the Church, for it is within her that the Spirit of God dwells and guides her in the articulation of her understanding of God's revelation. This of course does and should not lead to the obstinate arrogance of holding that there is nothing anyone else beyond the Christian community has to say about God that is worth a listen. It is certainly the prerogative of any "friend" to acquire a knowledge of this language bequeathed by God to his people. And yet, there abides a special transaction between God and his community of believers in which the community is granted sole right to determine the validity of such theological propositions emanating from without that community. The second of the three thoughts is that theology should be held by the Christian community as her "language of examination". Whilst we are called to be in consistent interaction with all dimensions of life - both the sciences and the arts - the philosophical and ethical premises undergirding these arenas have to be examined by the Christian community - and thereafter affirmed or rejected - based on her language of revelation. Of course, the imposition of this guiding rule may invite critique, rejection, and even ridicule. But isn't it true that all arenas of study possess their own unique languages owned, employed and defended by the particular communities? And aren't these languages often employed for the purpose of examining the literary expressions of propositions emerging from other communities? Hence, theology as the particular language of the Christian community. The final of the three thoughts is that theology needs to be recovered as an integral dimension of Christian spirituality. It is not uncommon for the average churchgoer to assume theology to be the sole task of professional theologians. It is not only an unfortunate assumption, but more than that, a reality that speaks of an impending disaster in the spirituality of the Church. St Bonaventure's words ring true: "Theology is the path to holiness". It is in the process of living together and being confronted by the person of God as a community, and then articulating this collective experience of the divine in our midst, that increasingly builds and further inforces our consciousness of the sacred and the divine. The theology articulated by the community forms the very community itself and leads her increasingly into Christlikeness. Some of you have told me that you miss some of the Latin I vainly inject into my blog entries sometimes. Okay then, here's one for you: Revera linguam latinam vix cognovi: "I don't really know all that much Latin".

A Love Revisited

2005-10-07T13:02:00.000+08:00

As I learn to embody your love in my own life, I am increasingly beginning to realise how painful it is for you to love a mortal being who can never reciprocate in the way he should. It is still beyond me to comprehend how a God can be so self-giving as to give of himself even to the point of pain, and even in knowing that I may never be able to love him back in like manner, chooses to love me still. Forgive me, Father. My love is shallow, self-motivated, and carnal. If the innate human inclination is to love what is beautiful and what is better, then I stand in full acknowledgement that my sense of aesthetics and that which constitutes beauty is depraved. Deep within, I know you are the embodiment of beauty par excellence and that you deserve nothing less than the highest measure of loving devotion I can afford. But my sense of beauty is tainted...it is married to a confusing myriad of contradictions and a shameless blend of lust, self-ambition, and temporal gratification. The perverted distortions of my perceptive senses often hide the power of your beauty from me. Your love compels me to exist in the tension between forcing myself to dutifully reciprocate and to lovingly reciprocate out of the depths of my heart. Each instance of my inability to express the latter love - the true and divinely appointed love - causes me to agonise over my incapacity. Perhaps this explains the occasional secret wish within me that you wouldn't love me so much. And yet with each confession of guilt and inability, I find you confronting me with grace. It is a grace that lovingly accepts the best of my worst and embraces me in my entire imperfection. It is a grace that offers a love as compelling and intense as a divine Lover could afford. But it is also this grace that consistently haunts me in grave reminder that I am yet to love you as I should. Why you would choose to love me so, I will never understand. But I know that it is more a reflection of the worthy Lover than the one unworthily loved. Perhaps in consistently offering this love to my neighbours to the best of my ability and witnesing their inability to reciprocate (in the same way that I am unable to reciprocate your love), I am beginning to experience a glimpse of how my state of existence must hurt you. And perhaps this will provoke within me a genuine desire to love you from the heart. And I truly do want to. Change my heart, Lord, won't you please?

Amor est Vitae Essentia

2005-10-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

Your language of love defies mine in its entirety. I have loved you for what you could offer, whilst you have loved me despite what I couldn't give. I have often come to meet you because it was my Christian duty to do so, whilst you have abided with me simply because you wanted to. In loving you in this manner, I have ungratefully trampled on the love that you have so freely lavished upon my undeserving life. You have tried to show me and my people many times in many ways that love is the essence of life. And all too often, we have sorely missed the point. We have come to love one another only as a Christian duty and not because we truly loved. We have often learned to appreciate one another only functionally, and we cringe at the idea of loving one another deeply and relationally in a way that may not yield the most effective returns to our preoccupation with efficiency. Even in love, we have sought to be efficient. Wasting time with one another has become but a waste of time. Each moment spent together has become an enterprise of equipping one another for the purpose of furthering our already humungus corporation. We manipulate others into thinking that we truly care. The reality is that we demonstrate love only as an avenue for the attainment of a desired means; to motivate them to love us back so they are compelled to fulfill our ambitions. The perceptive ones see through our motivations and are repelled at our lack of sincerity. For once, I desire to learn to love like you. I want to love out of the nature of your being in me; to love simply because I want to love, not because I must love. To waste time with others simply because they are worth my time. To love them simply because they are who they are. To be Christ to them simply because I share your dreams for their lives. Not because I want them to become contributive members of my church community. Not because they have something that I want. I want to love them simply because my God is love. If love is the essence of life, then teach me how to love...so that I may live.